Do we really know how to trust?
I'm not what you would call someone who trusts easily. That is, I have struggled most of my life with trusting God with the things and people that matter most to me. Does that sound strange for someone who has spent her life studying God's Word to admit? It sounds strange as I type this, yet if I'm honest, it's true. It all started when I was in my early teens and with a book I read (and misunderstood the author's meaning). But it left me with the feeling that if you trusted God with those you love, He'd take them from you. (All because the man lost his wife soon after his wedding.) It's taken me years to understand that God's not like that. The impression I took from a story wasn't the truth of God's character. (That's not to condemn the author, just my understanding at the time.)
Regardless of why, I've had my fair share of trust issues, and I realized the other day that I didn't trust the Lord as well as I could. In Isaiah 59:1 it says, "Surely the arm of the Lord is not too short to save, nor his ear too dull to hear." I did trust Him to save my eternal soul. I just did't trust that He was loving enough or strong enough to save anyone else I love. Or to take care of my daily anxious needs.
When I thought about that, I realized how ridiculous it is to think that the God of the Universe, the Almighty Creator is not strong enough to do something. Really? Do I honestly think He is too dull of hearing to hear the cries of my heart or the whispers of my soul? Whether I am happy or sad, does God not know it?
But in truth, don't we tend to act this way? Do we really trust God to hear us, to answer when we call?
Moses told the people of Israel that God was near when they called on Him. But Isaiah followed up by saying it was their sin that kept God from answering their prayers. Not His inability to act. Not His inability to hear. Our own sins put up a wall between us, keeping Him from acting, from answering.
That is not to say every unanswered prayer is due to sin in our lives, because Jesus refuted that when the Pharisees blamed a man's blindness from birth on his sin. In other words, there are times sin is a cause and sometimes it is not. But that is not my point here.
My focus is trust. How much do I really trust God to do what He says He will do? How much do I trust that God is capable of all He claims?
It is easy as humans to blame Him when we don't get our way or the answer is no or wait. But oh how hard it can be to let that "wait" or "no" answer lead us to deeper trust that He knows what He is doing, that He is not hard of hearing.
Trust may always be a struggle for me in some areas, just because I like to take charge and fix things. But I can't fix the world. I wish I could. I wish I had answers for the wars and refugee crisis and human trafficking evils and so much more. But that doesn't mean that because I'm incapable that God is too. He sees the big picture. He sees the finished canvas of each beautiful life. He sees the portrait of humanity and He can fix it. And one day He will. One day even sin will not be able to keep us apart because He will utterly destroy it. He has already destroyed it eternally, but for a time, it still has its moment.
And it's in this time, when I cannot see the future that I tend to falter in my trust. And then I pick up His Word and I'm reminded of what He has already done.
And I know that I can trust Him with everything and everyone I love or have ever loved because His arm is strong enough, His ear hears even the unspoken words of longing, and He will heal and rescue and save.
This world desperately needs a Savior. And though I often fail Him, I know He is the Only One worth trusting.