This past week has been a rough one. I’ve struggled with a number of physical issues, mainly some significant back pain. I asked people to pray and sought medical advice. At one point the pain was nearly unbearable and I came very close to going to the emergency room. But by God’s grace, I managed to get through without resorting to that drastic measure.

What I discovered the next day though taught me something about trust. The discovery was that most of my back pain, perhaps all of it, was due to anxiety over our upcoming trip to Israel. Consciously, I’m looking forward to it. Subconsciously, I’ve been freaking out! And my body is paying the price.

The realization has caused a lot of introspection and prayer. I don’t want to be an anxious person, but I’ll admit it – I’ve got a “Martha” personality. What that means is that I tend to be “worried and upset about many things” rather than “seeking the better part” as Martha’s sister Mary did in the gospels.

“”Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:41-42

Seeking to sit at Jesus’ feet and learn, resting in His presence is best.

Why is it sometimes easier to trust the Lord with our eternal salvation but not the day-to-day details of our lives?

It comes down to a matter of trust and control. Do I believe God is sovereign and in control of all things? Then what is there to be anxious about? And yet in our humanity it’s so easy to fall into the trap of thinking we can control the things around us. We would probably be surprised to know how very little control we really have.

And yet, we think we do. And there is something disconcerting about hopping on a plane and flying across the ocean with a tour where control is totally out of my hands.

But today God reminded me that He indeed does have everything under control. In church every little thing from the message in Sunday School to the last song in the main service, to the encouragement from several friends, to the offer to do a column in our church newspaper reviewing Christian fiction – I felt as though God had sent each thing to lift me up and remind me how very much He loves me, and He still has plans for my life, and He can indeed be trusted.

One of my favorite verses of Scripture, a verse I replay in my mind often when I am distressed is Proverbs 3:5-6 -

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths.”

I’ve always believed that God cares about the details of our lives, but knowing and acting on that knowing can be two different things. With only one week left until our trip, I’m going to work on less worrying and more resting in God and His promises. Control is His. My part is to trust…