Musings

Every now and then, I get this strange feeling inside. It’s not a physical hunger, though I would say I crave something. It’s more like missing someone. Like when too many days go by and I haven’t had more than a few minutes to talk to my kids–I want more. I crave time with them, to hear their voices, to listen to their ideas, to hear what has been happening in their lives. The feeling I get is similar only on a spiritual level – a craving for time with God.

There is something amazing that happens in my spirit when I pick up my Bible and read a whole book or several chapters at once, stopping to ponder a word or a verse or a phrase. It’s not the quantity of the material read that matters, but the time taken. It’s when God becomes a priority, a desire, someone I want to spend time with.

I’ve heard it said that even Christians today are fairly illiterate when it comes to the Bible. And I know lots of people who either don’t read the Bible and know they should (producing guilt) or they read it out of obligation. When has any relationship ever lasted that was based on guilt or obligation? We don’t treat our best friends that way. Hopefully, we don’t treat our families that way either. People we care about are people we want to spend time with.

When I haven’t talked to my mom in a few days, I miss hearing her voice. If my husband was out of town on business, I’d want a phone call at least once a day. When I haven’t gotten a chance to talk to my closest friends in a while, I feel the absence.

Sometimes I wonder why people come and go from our lives. Was I negligent in caring about their needs? Did I focus too much on myself? Or was the issue theirs alone and had nothing to do with me? Not everyone we meet will want to become close friends. We can’t make people like us.

But the great thing is, God already likes us – and loves us in spite of ourselves. He created us for a relationship with Him and then with other people. That longing I feel to spend time with Him, comes from my inner being, and is something He placed inside each one of us. But it’s up to us to feed the craving.

Sometimes we fill those cravings with the wrong things. If my body craves something salty and I usually feed it French fries, then when I need salt, it will probably think French fries. If I satisfy my sweet tooth with chocolate, I might develop a chocolate craving. (Not such a bad idea.) And if I fill my life with busyness instead of quiet times with God, my heart will seek to stay busy to fill the craving. What my heart needs isn’t more stuff to do, but rather someone to share that stuff with.

We all long for love, but then tend to forget that love is who God is. We crave love because we crave God. To know Him means we have to spend time with Him, to desire Him. Not out of guilt or obligation. But because we want to be with Him, as He longs to be with us.

Do you feel it? Do you sense the craving in your soul for God? If not, just ask Him to give it to you. The Psalmist tells us: “Delight in the Lord and He’ll give you the desires of your heart.” Most especially when that desire is Him.

Selah~

June is my imaginary deadline to finish my first draft of Sarai. I’m getting close! Today Hagar had Ishmael, which puts me one scene away from the end of part three. I’m at 84,000 words with less than 10,000 to go. So barring any unforeseen distractions (of which there are many) I hope to finish by the end of June.

But distractions popped up several times this past week, and my to-do list keeps growing instead of shrinking. Someone did not get the memo that I want to take July off! The rest of the windows were put in on Thursday and they look great! Except for the fact that now we have to fill, sand, prime, and paint the frames of each one. And since Randy has plans to paint his Mustang this summer, the job of window painting falls to me. But that’s okay. I’ve decided one window a day – or one window over two days should allow me to finish by the end of June, yes? I did one window (a small one) today, so hopefully, I’ll be able to stay on track.

Yesterday we celebrated my mom’s birthday (a little early). Ryan and I made her a cheesecake, her favorite dessert. Family gathered together and we had a good time sharing stories and laughing together.

A few months ago I tried acrylic nails. I’d never done anything like that before, and since I tend to pick at my nails when I’m stuck trying to create a scene writing, I figured this would be a good thing. What I didn’t know then, I wish I had. Apparently, fake nails can weaken your natural nail, and in my case, it made some of them paper thin. I don’t know for sure yet, but am planning to let them fall off as they grow out and hope they heal quickly. I love how they look and enjoyed the pampering, but the cost to pocketbook and health of the nails is more than I realized. That’s not to say it’s a bad thing for those who want them, just that I wish I’d known the side effects from the start. I should have done more research ahead of time.

The other night we had a beautiful sunset, and I snapped this picture with my cell phone camera looking through one of our upstairs windows. God knows how to paint such beautiful pictures.

Lots of deadlines await me this week, hoping to finish them all by the end of the month. After I finish the first draft of Sarai, I hope to take a break from most writing commitments during the month of July. Galleys for Bathsheba should be arriving soon after, or perhaps during that month, and it will be nice to be caught up on everything else when it comes. Of course, I say that now, but something always comes up to change that. One can hope. Even writers need a vacation, yes?

This past week week was crazy, and at times felt overwhelming, but some weeks are like that. Today, to start a new week, I spilled tea on myself during a church service. Never had that happen before – the top popped off when I picked it up after resting it between my knees. Won’t do that again! Fortunately, it didn’t spill much and there was no damage or lingering stains. I’m grateful for that!

The rest of the day proved better. I accomplished some things after church and got to chat with one son and a dear friend over Skype. A new week awaits. Looking forward to what God has in store.

Selah~

It’s been a while since I posted some new favorite recent reads, but these are some books you will not want to miss. I’ll start backwards with the one I just finished by my friend Deb Raney. Deb’s latest book is the first in her Hanover Falls Series titled Almost Forever. Here’s the back cover copy:

Unearthing a lost memory may cause her to lose everything she holds dear. but could it also set her free?

Volunteer Bryn Hennesey was there at the Grove Street Homeless Shelter the night five heroic firefighters died at the scene. Among them was her husband, Adam.

Now a terrifying absence of memory has her wondering if she might, in some way, be responsible. Garrett Edmonds’ wife, Molly, was the only female firefighter to perish in the blaze. He was supposed to protect the woman he loved.now she’s the one who’s died a hero. How can he go on in the face of such unbearable loss? And what started the fire that destroyed the dreams and futures of so many? Investigators are stumped. But someone knows the answer..

When I put this book down, I kept thinking about it, and still think about it since. Then I read the first chapter teaser for the second book in the series and can’t wait to keep going with these characters! No fair to make us wait! But, I know we can only write so fast. :) Highly recommended!

Another one I loved was by author Siri Mithchell titled She Walks in Beauty. Here’s the back-cover copy:

For a young society woman seeking a favorable marriage, so much depends on her social season debut. Clara Carter has been given one goal: secure the affections of the city’s most eligible bachelor. Debuting means plenty of work–there are corsets to be fitted, dances to master, manners to perfect. Her training soon pays off, however, as celebrity’s spotlight turns Clara into a society-page darling. Yet Clara soon wonders if this is the life she really wants. Especially when she learns her best friend has also set her sights on Franklin De Vries. When a man appears who seems to love her simply for who she is and gossip backlash turns ugly, Clara realizes it’s not just her marriage at stake–the future of her family depends on how she plays the game.

I love historicals and this era has always intrigued me. Fascinating history. You will live vicariously through these beloved characters. Loved the story! Also highly recommended!

Lastly, is author Julie Klassen’s third book titled The Silent Governess. Another historical that swept me back in time and put me there. Here’s the copy:

Believing herself guilty of a crime, Olivia Keene flees her home, eventually stumbling upon a grand estate where an elaborate celebration is in progress. But all is not as joyous as it seems.

Lord Bradley has just learned a terrible secret, which, if exposed, will change his life forever. When he glimpses a figure on the grounds, he fears a spy or thief has overheard his devastating news. He is stunned to discover the intruder is a scrap of a woman with her throat badly injured. Fearing she will spread his secret, he gives the girl a post and confines her to his estate. As Olivia and Lord Bradley’s secrets catch up with them, will their hidden pasts ruin their hope of finding love?

Julie Klassen has become one of my favorite authors. Loved this one too! Highly recommended!

Don’t you love the covers on these books? I heard some discussion recently about what makes a bestseller. One suggested great titles sell books. That’s probably true. But great covers win out over titles as far as I’m concerned. Titles might come second or third. They are certainly important. But the back copy and the cover design matter most to me. Then if I like what I see, I’ll pick up the book. If I love the story, I’ll promote it on the quality of the story and the writing. But the cover is what first draws me in.

How about you? What draws you to pick a book up off the shelf? Email me and let me know. I’d love to hear your thoughts on this.

Shalom~

Randy and I listened to a podcast yesterday from Mosaic called “Live Like it Matters” by Erwin McManus. I truly enjoy Erwin’s teaching. He is very unassuming and practical, yet his messages carry a depth that can be deceiving. He’s been teaching from Ecclesiastes these past few months – a book you don’t hear preached from often.

In “Live Like It Matters,” he talked about people who live in the “effect” without trying to discern the “cause.” Too often, this leads to a victim mentality, where it becomes easier to simply react to what life sends our way instead of learning and growing from each new experience.

Then there are those who live as though nothing matters, that what they do won’t change the way things are, and that life is merely an existence to get through each day. Solomon felt that way in this book, and concluded that “everything is meaningless” in this life lived under the sun.

I’ve met people like this, people who have no ambitions in life. They work in jobs with no future, and have no goals or dreams or plans to change their circumstances. Life is happening to them instead of them stepping out and making their life matter to those around them. When did ambition become so passe? When did Solomon’s depressed view of life filter into ours?

I saw a YouTube video today about the way people view time. Some view it with a past tense mentality, where they live on the glory days of the past. These are the people who preserve our legacies and keep traditions alive. Then there are those who live in the present, for the pleasure of the moment, in a hedonistic sense, like Solomon did. And lastly there are those with a future sense mentality, who live for what is yet to be. For the Christian, and other religions that teach life after death, the focus is future, this life is not the end, and their goals reflect that thinking.

Seen from the perspective of how one views time, it’s a little easier to understand why some people have little or no ambition. Those who want to preserve the past have some ambition to keep it relevant to each successive generation. Those who live for the present will be least concerned with the consequences of their actions. And those who live for the future, will set goals and strive to reach them.

I think we can be all of these at different times in our lives. I also think we can have all views at once, though I would bet one will be more dominant than the other. I see myself as one who wants to preserve the past in the stories I write, while keeping a steady eye on the future and seeking to fulfill the goals and dreams God has placed on my heart – to accomplish the work I believe He has given me to do. And there are days when I want to just enjoy the moment, and relish the pleasures found in right now. So maybe our view of time does affect our ambitions, or maybe more importantly, it affects what we might do with them.

I think we are born with a drive to do something, to see our lives have purpose. But somewhere along the way we can lose that desire and end up in the trap Solomon got caught in – the trap of living for himself and seeing nothing good in it. He couldn’t “live like it mattered” because nothing mattered to him. Until you get to the last chapter of the book of Ecclesiastes when Solomon finally admits that God is the reason for living after all.

Perhaps people who lose their ambitions in life, first lost their faith in what God has for them. Or maybe they never had any faith at all. Solomon knew the truth, yet Solomon lost what he’d known. In the end, I think he finally came around to see the truth again, that life does matter. That loving and serving God matters most of all.

It does.

We just need to live like it.

Selah~

My son talked me into shopping on Memorial Day, and after picking up some fresh fruits and veggies, we stopped at Starbucks, and I had my first taste of a dirty Chai Tea Latte with lowfat milk. Yum! I still like their Tazo iced tea best, but this was good! Later, we worked together to clean the fridge and make fruit salad.

We’re also in the middle of redoing our kitchen. One wall is painted – much work yet to do – and the first half of the new windows are in. They look great! I can’t wait to see the first floor finished tomorrow! Of course, the new windows need new blinds, and that means the walls need new paint, and well…one thing always leads to another, doesn’t it? Too many projects, too little money. :)

Today, while the men were putting the windows in the upstairs, Randy went to the backyard to check things out. He neared the apple tree in the backyard and turned to find a young raccoon staring at him from the middle of the tree! Shocked them both. The raccoon stayed there all day and ran higher up the branches when Ryan mowed the grass later that night. But Randy was able to snap a picture. Isn’t he cute?

Though we don’t live in the country, we sure get our share of wild animals in the yard. Yesterday, when Ryan and I headed to the store, we found a cookie on the mirror. We don’t normally leave cookies on the mirrors of our cars, but the squirrels probably do.

Someday, when the new heaven and earth are here, I plan to play at length with the wild animals. The lion and lamb, the wolf and small child will lie down together, and snakes won’t bite. I won’t mind if snakes are less slimy looking…but can you just imagine snuggling a huge lion without fear? It will be awesome!

In the meantime, I’ll just love the wild things from a distance, and hug the domesticated ones up close. :)

Selah~

My lilacs are in full bloom and the weather here has bypassed spring and decided to grace us with summer a month early. According to Google, the weather where my sons are in Los Angeles is the way it is supposed to be here right now. Perhaps the maps are confused…speaking of confused, did anyone see the pictures of the hail-that-thought-it-was-snow in Colorado? Maybe the skies are confused…

Yet God is not the author of confusion, so I know He knows what He is doing and allowing. One has to wonder though, what in the world is going on sometimes.

My days are moving faster than they should, but I often feel that way. Right now I’m sitting on my porch enjoying the evening. There is a definite connection between the sun and me. We get along much better than we used to, though I have a healthy respect for its rays. Fair skin has to be careful, but sunshine in general makes my heart glad.

Some other reasons for gladness came last week. Randy and I celebrated 33 years of marriage. That same day I heard some great news from my agent and my publisher, which I soon hope to share with you all! Details are forthcoming! A little hint…more books are in the works!

To celebrate, Randy and I went out to dinner to a restaurant that we normally could not afford – at least not on a regular basis. But of course, anniversaries are once-a-year celebrations. So we got dressed up and went out. The waiter spoke fast, so you had to listen well. The menu was mostly a la cart, but we opted for the dinner package. Best Filet Mignon I’ve ever tasted! Of course, it was sizzling in butter…I didn’t ask how many calories…Turned out that Randy’s Ribeye wasn’t quite as good, though he would not have complained. The waiter noticed the gristle left on the plate and ordered him a new steak – a filet this time. We took it home. Then they took the price of the meal off the bill! So we got to celebrate on a budget in style. :)

The rest of the weekend saw more eating out with family and friends. (Whatever happened to my diet?) Then last night we got to reconnect with friends from South Carolina who were here for a visit. Kathy and I have been friends since Jr. High, I think. A forever friend and a prayer partner. One of God’s many blessings.

The kitties have been enjoying the sunshine too and sneak out every chance they get. Though here I caught them napping. It’s so hard to stay awake in the daytime when nights are so much more fun. They race around the house at bedtime, as though the day had just begun. Yawn…I don’t think so guys.

We’ve got lots to do to this weekend to prepare for new windows we’re getting next week. Our current windows are older than our kids. Definitely time to replace them. I can’t believe it’s June next week. Soon it will be time to work on edits for Bathsheba. At the end of June, I should be able to share the cover! I can’t wait!

Sarai’s story is at 76k words with about 15k or so to go. My goal was to finish the first draft by June. Now I’ll be happy if I’m done by the end. I’m hoping for at least a month break before edits begin, but one never knows.

I’m learning a lot about life these days, about being a mom and letting go. This having adult kids is so different than having little ones, yet a mom’s heart remains the same. Love has no age limit. It only grows deeper with time.

The lilacs smell so good tonight, and the sun is slowly setting. I love it when God paints the sky in flaming shades of orange and red. Not tonight. Maybe tomorrow…the mosquitoes have shooed me inside.

Selah~