Musings

I’ve got to admit, I’ve got a great family! I know I did nothing to deserve them, but I sure do appreciate them. We’ve been playing at the empty nest this past week while Ryan spent his winter break in California with his brothers. I was wishing we could have gone with him, but it turned out it was better that we stayed home. Randy got a weird dizziness for a few days this week – apparently a virus that several people at work also had – and my mom was pretty sick with bronchitis. So traveling would not have worked for us. But being home without kids was so strange. Too quiet. And something I’m not ready to get used to. I suppose good can be found in a house with less people to pick up after, but I would rather do that than have to find ways to fill the void of missing them. And with the older two, I would enjoy the empty nest better if they didn’t live so far away…

But I digress…I got an email from Chris this week with a picture he drew for me. He said that he couldn’t afford to give me flowers for my birthday, so he painted me some. (Is there any greater gift than one given from the heart – and totally unexpected too!) He gave me permission to show you. (Moms have to brag on their kids sometimes, right?)

Chris has grown a lot in his drawing ability and frankly, he downright amazes me! You can see what I mean by visiting his portfolio on his website Akro Designs. In case I haven’t mentioned before (though I’m pretty sure I have) Chris designed this website too. I am mighty pleased with it!

I’ve been working on a new proposal idea this week while I’ve watched the gray skies and snow falling outside my window. I would complain because we really don’t see the sun often enough in Michigan, but then I watched the news and saw how hard hit the people in New York have been with snow and so long without power! Not to mention the people in Chili who just had an 8.8 earthquake and the tsunami threat to the Pacific Coast (California where my boys are included.) I don’t think the tsunami threat is as bad away from the coast – I hope not. But my dreams of living with a view of the beach…maybe I should rethink that a bit… In any case, those who do live there must be worried–praying for all those involved in these difficult, scary-weather times.

As I write this, Ryan is in an airplane headed back to Detroit, and I am listening to music on his computer. “It Is Well With My Soul” is playing right now – such a great reminder of what is truly important.

All in all, I am feeling rather blessed today – blessed to be loved, not just by my family but by my God. I know I don’t deserve His love, but when I stop to think about just how much He truly does love me – He knows my name (”Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.” Emphasis mine) – how can I feel any less than blessed? He loves me! What a glorious thought!

I pray you are blessed today as well~

Selah~

I wonder if anyone has ever known truly unconditional love on a purely human level. I rather doubt it because humans are flawed beings, and we put conditions on other people all the time. Parents and grandparents may tell a child, “I will love you if you are good,” or perhaps “I won’t love you if you don’t do this” as a way to get them to behave the way they want them to. (Of course, we are often way more subtle that this, but the message is still conveyed the same.) A teacher may praise or withhold praise, also to control behavior. Men may withhold love from their wives if they do not get the respect they desire, and women may withhold love from husbands if their man doesn’t cherish them the way they want to be cherished.

In truth, we have no trouble loving ourselves – it’s our neighbor who can be so hard to love. Love is too often “me” centered – as in “how does this person make me feel?” I love the line in the movie Pride & Prejudice where Mr. Collins is trying to propose to Elizabeth (Keira Knightley) and he tells her that one of the reasons he wants to marry her is because he is sure it will “add greatly to his happiness.” Never mind what it will do to hers!

But I wonder, since we grow up with such flawed views of love – and even the most loving parents aren’t always unconditional in their loving – how hard is it for us to grasp a God who loves us exactly that way?

Romans 5:6-8 says, “For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die—but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

Do you see the example of both conditional and unconditional love in these verses? The apostle Paul is saying that sometimes, in the right conditions, if there was someone who was good or righteous enough, or loved enough, someone might dare to die for them. I can see a parent easily giving his life for a beloved child, and there are many noble examples in history of people sacrificing their lives to save someone else. So in certain conditions, people do practice a kind of love that appears unconditional–but we do it conditionally based on the value or virtue of the object of our love. (I hope I’m making sense!)

God, on the other hand, demonstrated His love by dying for people who didn’t deserve it, who were not good and righteous, who did not and could not do anything to make the conditions right in order to gain His love. He chose to love us anyway. Without condition.

The Amplified Bible says it well:

“We were then by nature children of [God's] wrath and heirs of [His] indignation, like the rest of mankind. But God–so rich is He in His mercy! Because of and in order to satisfy the great and wonderful and intense love with which He loved us, Even when we were dead (slain) by [our own] shortcomings and trespasses, He made us alive together in fellowship and in union with Christ; [He gave us the very life of Christ Himself, the same new life with which He quickened Him, for] it is by grace (His favor and mercy which you did not deserve) that you are saved (delivered from judgment and made partakers of Christ’s salvation).” Ephesians 2:3b-5

Conditions of God’s justice (laid out in the Old Testament Law) remain as they always were, and they are impossible to meet. But Christ met them for us. The only condition left to us to fully embrace such unyielding, amazing love is to accept what Jesus did on our behalf, to trust Him with our very selves and to live the life of love He has for us. A love that is given freely, without merit, without condition.

Selah~

Do you journal when you pray? Through the years I’ve done so on and off, but before Michal came out, I decided to pray more regularly in my journal. That continued for months, but sometime last November I suddenly stopped and I’m not sure why. Maybe it happened because I got sick and had no energy to scrawl words in a notebook. Maybe the holidays just made things too hectic, but I stopped journaling until this past week.

Some of you who read this blog may recall the journal prayers I’d written and rediscovered after The Wives of King David sold to Revell. I had poured my heart out to the Lord regarding my future as a writer, uncertain I could continue to pursue a dream – especially if that dream wasn’t His. After the series sold to Revell, I found that desperate prayer and realized how amazingly God had answered. If I had never written those prayers, I would not have recognized how gracious was His response.

Sometimes understanding and peace come best when we pour out the emotions on paper rather than leaving them bottled inside our hearts. There is something about taking the thoughts, forming them into words, and expressing them in a prayer to the only One who truly understands me that helps fix what’s broken and brings peace and joy where they were sorely lacking.

Journal praying also leaves a record of our spiritual journey. Sometimes, those records which are meant to stay personal between us and God may end up shredded at the end of a day, but sometimes they can leave a lasting legacy – maybe our children or grandchildren will be encouraged by what we endured, much as readers for thousands of years have been encouraged by the Psalms. Not saying our prayers are on par with Scripture, only that our honesty can encourage and strengthen those who come behind us.

It’s an exercise I recommend to anyone who hasn’t tried it or if you used to journal pray and have stopped, I’d encourage you to pick it up again. In a sense, we end up fulfilling Philippians 4:6-7, which I memorized years ago in the Living Bible Paraphrase:

“Don’t worry about anything, instead pray about everything. Tell God your needs and don’t forget to thank Him for His answers, and you will experience God’s peace, which is far greater than the human mind can understand.”

What do I tell Him when I journal pray? Everything! Because He said to.

Selah~

It’s been snowing today and we’re supposed to get more through the night, though so far it hasn’t hit us as hard as they suspected. That’s usually the case where we live – kind of in one of those protected pockets of the city. We don’t usually get hit with the harshest weather – and I’m not complaining!

As I worked around the house today, had the fire going, made some beef barley soup and apple pie and sat in the recliner with Tiger helping me read my email, I ran across a Google alert for my name. Being the curious type, I typically check to see why the alert is there. Sometimes it advises me of a posted interview or a place where one of the books is for sale. Sometimes, I find one of my books reviewed by a reader. I’m always a little cautious when I see those pop up.

It’s not that I don’t like to see people review my work. It’s part of the publishing world, part of any artistic endeavor. And I will admit I read product reviews on various business websites to help me decide whether to make a purchase. I weigh the good against the bad trying to make an informed decision. I hope people who buy my books do the same, not just taking one opinion over another.

Of course, that’s what a review is – an opinion. And like everyone else, I appreciate it most when those opinions give favorable marks for my work. And I cringe a little when I read reviews that say things that aren’t quite so flattering. We all want to be liked after all, right? And sometimes authors link themselves too closely with their work. It’s never a good idea to believe your own press.

Some of that press will be highly praise-worthy, gushy even. I’ve had that happen and I am very certain I am not worthy of such acclaim. But on the other hand, I’ve had reviewers use phrasing that hurts, leaving me feeling almost worthless as an author. I am fairly certain I do not need to accept that opinion either.

Perhaps no press at all would be the best thing for my ego, to keep me from thinking too highly of myself or too low – maybe I should stop getting Google alerts at all! :) But no press has its own drawbacks. I can’t live in seclusion – and I do want to share the stories of my heart with those who care to read them. And I like to know what people are saying about them.

So I accept with gratitude every kind word said in every review, and I try to learn from the reviews that don’t say the nicest things. I recall one reviewer who said some of the quoted dialogue in Michal (quoted from the New King James Version) was stilted, so I switched to New International Version for Abigail. A couple of others have complained about the time jumps in Michal because her life and relationship to David spanned so many years. Unfortunately, there is nothing I can do to change that now, but I hope by the time the whole series comes together my readers will have a fuller view of David’s life, will see him as heroic yet flawed, and can overlook some of gaps in time that the story as I see it called for.

So thank you to all who read and review my work. I’m honored and humbled to know you cared to read the books at all!

Shalom Aleikhem “Peace be upon you.”