Exciting news and the taste of bittersweet…
I really hate to sound melancholy this time of year. I want to be the one to encourage those who struggle, but I truly appreciate those who also encourage me! Thank you, dear friends, for the emails and Facebook comments and other communication that has uplifted me during this past year.
If you’ve been reading this blog very long, you know my dad fell and broke his hip a year and a half ago and has been in a nursing home since. We have watched his slow deterioration, at times better, at times worse. But until a month or so ago, I thought he could live many more years even without the ability to get around any more. That still may be true. I do not know God’s plan for his future. But as my friend recently told me she believes this is her mom’s last Christmas, I have a feeling that may be true for my dad as well.
I spent time with him today with my sister, brother-in-law, and mom, celebrating their Christmas with him. This was my second Christmas celebration with him as Randy and I had gone to a Christmas luncheon with him and my mom a few weeks ago put on by the nursing home. He was lethargic that day, and when I told him Christmas was in a few weeks, he said, “I don’t know if I can wait that long.”
The way he said it and the way he looked at me, gave me pause. This wasn’t a child excitedly anticipating Santa Claus. This was a man telling me he wasn’t sure he’d still be here on earth when Christmas came. I hadn’t asked him to elaborate on his statement then though, so my assumption was just that – something to ponder, but nothing to which I could be certain.
Today, not long after the nurse wheeled my dad into the room to meet with us, he looked at us and said, “I didn’t expect to still be here.” This time we asked him what he meant by that. My suspicions were confirmed. He thought by now he would be with Jesus.
So Daddy’s thoughts have turned heavenward much more than they had been. I can’t blame him. He can no longer read his Bible like he used to, no longer feed himself as he once did – though he had no trouble eating the big cookie I brought him or enjoying his coffee though now he drinks it from a straw. He never did like it cold and still doesn’t. :)
When I left to come home, he kissed me goodbye and told me he loves me, as he always does. He often tells me how glad he is to see me, and how grateful he is for me. I know without doubt he loves me, and the knowing makes me already miss him.
I will never begrudge him heaven or a new body, but the knowledge that he is ready to go whereas only six months ago he talked like he would live to be 90, makes the reality of life’s brevity much stronger now. I will always treasure the legacy he’s given me.
During our visit I got to tell my parents that Michal has been nominated for an award – that’s the exciting news to this post that I took way too long getting to. I found out this week – though the announcements aren’t posted yet – that Michal is nominated for the Christian Retailer’s Choice Award in the Fiction: General category! Daddy laughed and got a little emotional when I told him. He’s never been able to finish reading my first book though it sits proudly on his nightstand. He used to show it off. He just can’t retain enough to read anymore.
I’m so honored and excited to be nominated for this award – and thank you again to all of my readers who have helped make Michal the success it has been so far. I probably shouldn’t mix the announcement in with the bittersweet thoughts of my dad, but it’s just been one of those days…
But isn’t life like that? We take the good and the not-so-good, the bitter with the sweet. I told my dad we’d be back next week with the boys – they come home on Sunday! He seemed quite pleased. He’s told me to tell them that he wants to go with them when they return to California. Maybe he will, though not in this body and not to California – to a place where the Son always shines, where the good always wins, where he can walk again on streets of gold and his peace shall be sweet forever.
Selah~
