Expectations

I’ve been thinking about contentment lately. The point was brought home to me this week through a letter I received from a reader of Michal. She told me that in her book club they discussed how women often struggle with contentment in situations God has ordained, and like Michal tend to want to control our circumstances so that the end result will be to our liking.

Since Michal’s story does deal with the contentment issue, and this is a theme I’m seeing come through in some of my other works, I wonder what it says about my own struggle for contentment? So I’ve been pondering why and how to change the discontent I sometimes feel. The apostle Paul said in Philippians 4:10-13 he had learned to be content in any and every situation, whether he had a little or a lot, he’d learned the secret of contentment. So what is that secret?

It occurred to me today that contentment is closely linked to our level of expectation. I expect certain things to be a certain way and when they don’t go that way, I can have all manner of reactions. For instance:

I expect life to be fair. When I discover it’s not, I can become angry, depressed, or blame God for the unfairness around me.

I expect people to be understanding and kind. When they are mean and surly or lash out at me, I can be hurt, confused, even angry.

I expect to be healthy. When I am not, I can become discouraged, frustrated, weary and more.

I expect people who drive in the high speed lane to do the speed limit. When they go ten miles below the posted limits, I can go around them or keep their pace. I can also let their actions raise my ire or keep my cool.

Expectations come in many forms and for every reason and scenario I can imagine. I’m learning that the secret to contentment is to keep our expectations of people, of institutions, of life to a level that is realistic and not focusing on me. To let God surprise me, by not expecting, even desiring more than I can handle or deserve.

Just recognizing this has already helped me to be more understanding of certain situations that are beyond my control. So the next time I get in a high speed lane of traffic, I won’t be surprised to find drivers doing ten miles below the limit.

What else did I expect? :)

Looking ahead to hope…

I’m sipping Tazo “Awake” tea, but even caffeine doesn’t seem to perk me up like it used to. I love the taste, so it’s not wasted, and I’m coming to love the taste of certain brands of Starbucks coffee – Espresso Roast is among my favorites. :) But I’m finding that alertness is more related to state of mind than anything else these days. Exhaustion can be a sign of negative thinking – dare I say, depression? Or anxiety? And truly, life’s changes can be looked at either with a positive or negative spin.

When we returned from California and left two of our guys behind, I found myself waking up and wishing I could stay in bed. If not for my usual aches and pains (which come and go) I might choose to do just that. But therein is the point. I have a choice, and since I’ve walked the road of depression years ago (nothing clinical, but a struggle nonetheless) I don’t want to go there again. So I choose to fight it. Even when my heart struggles with missing my kids, dealing with my dad’s new life in a nursing home, and other issues.

We chatted in our adult fellowship class today about anxiety and worry and how hard it can be to trust God because we don’t know what He’s going to do. But we trust Him with our eternal souls, so why not our daily lives? Randy pointed out to me on the way home today that part of our problem lies in our expectations. We expect our lives to be a certain way and then we try to control the outcome. We don’t like it when bad things happen and we don’t want to experience anything unpleasant. So we worry about stuff that might happen, when most of it never does.

I’ve taken to praying more now than I ever did. In my younger years, I prayed as a means of trying to control what God would do. Perhaps that is still part of the process now, because what is prayer if not an unburdening of our souls to our Maker, who indeed can and does control all things? But prayer is also a molding of our spirits to His will. We wrestle in prayer for others (Colossians 4:12) because we want to see God work in their lives, to mold them after His will too. As a parent, I pray now more for my adult kids than I ever did when they were small. That’s probably not a good thing to admit because I should have prayed harder in those years too. But I had a false sense that I could control things then. Now, God has taken me a step further to realize, I never did have any control in the first place.

I think my exhaustion (and that need for too much caffeine!) comes in when I don’t spend enough time alone with the Lord, in prayer, in praise and thanksgiving, in remembering all of the good He has done. When I walk into the nursing home each week, it’s not the happiest place in the world and I wonder why life had to take this turn. When I think of how long it will be before I get to hug my guys again, I can grow sad. And when I shop in the deli aisles at a particular local store, I always recall the things those sons would ask me to buy and I end up sniffing back tears wondering if anyone is noticing how silly I must look crying over apples or salsa or French bread!

My sister tells me this grief is okay. Our family relationships will change and grow and we’ll get past this sorrow I still feel. And a friend I haven’t seen in 13 years (had lunch with Saturday) told me it took her six months to get past her youngest daughter moving away. These are normal passages of life. A friend of mine lost a sister-in-law this past week. Another recently lost her mom.

When I look at all of this, when I can step outside of myself and view life the way the people of old viewed it, changes, good and bad, take on a different meaning. Hebrews 11:13-16 tells us how those people lived – as aliens and strangers on the earth because they were looking for a better place. One where God is the center and the things we bemoan on earth aren’t worthy to be compared to the glory there.

I suppose these reflections may sound a little melancholy, but I hope they aren’t depressing. We all struggle now and then. I’m just learning little by little where to put my hope. Because there is always hope. And I’m resting in that fact.

Selah~

New contest!

On Michal’s Facebook Fan Page Photobucket I’m running another contest to win one of three autographed copies of Michal. If you’re familiar with the Bible story or have even read the book and would like to give a copy to a friend, drop a comment on Michal’s wall and tell me which biblical character in David’s story you liked best. If you don’t have a favorite, leave a comment anyway to enter to win. :)

Deadline is October 17, 2009. Hope to see you there!

New Favorite Recent Reads!

I read a lot of Christian fiction, though in all honesty, I don’t read as fast as I’d like. My to-be-read pile is ever growing, and recently, I’ve added some secular fiction to that want-to-read list. I’ve also increased my intake of movie watching. We joined Netflix and there are a lot of classics in my queue because I want to know the stories but simply do not have time to read all of the books!

The most recent classic movie I watched and loved was The Scarlet Pimpernel. I’d knew part of the story, but had never known the whole thing in context. The Philadelphia Story is another classic that I thoroughly enjoyed. And a kid’s Dreamworks movie that was just plain fun is Kung Fu Panda. I managed to fit these in between episodes of House and Law & Order.

Though it may sound like the TV is on quite a bit here, it’s really not. Most of my time is spent reading – often research or other distractions on the Internet and every chance I get, in the form of Christian novels. Three favorite recent reads for me are listed below:
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A Man of His Word by Bestselling author Kathleen Fuller

In just a few short months, Moriah Miller’s perfect life unravels. Newly wed and newly pregnant, Moriah is abandoned by her husband, Levi. He’s left her, his family, and their faith without a backward glance. The community, stunned, rushes to the young woman’s aid.

But there is someone who feels more than just sympathy for Moriah. Gabriel Miller–Levi’s twin–longs for an intimate commitment that might someday bind them to one another. Convinced of the impossibility of his dream, Gabriel settles for a mere friendship with the woman he loves.

Moriah bravely goes on with her life, adjusting to her new role in their tight knit Amish community and preparing for the birth of her child. She is unaware that her brief marriage–once idealized as the happiest time in her life–may have been merely a shadow of the kind of love God has created her for. A love that can mend the soul, renew her heart, and give her a future filled with hope…if only she’ll let it.

My take: For lovers of Amish fiction, this is a light, enjoyable read with characters who will draw you in and make you want to know them better with each turn of the page. There are two separate romances going on in the book, though one takes precedence. I enjoyed getting to know both couples and to get a glimpse of life among the Middlefield Amish. Kathy Fuller is one of my critique partners, and I have always enjoyed her writing. I had the privilege of previewing the first 1/3 of this book and was thrilled to finally get to read the rest of the story! I look forward with anticipation to the rest of the books in this series!
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Yesterday’s Embers by Award-winning, Best-selling author Deborah Raney

Tragedy has left Doug DeVore with five children to raise alone. When Mickey Valdez, the children’s daycare teacher, lends a helping hand, sparks flicker between them and quickly ignite. But romance and real life are two very different things, and too late, Doug and Mickey realize they’ve said “I do” to something neither of them bargained for. Now they must find a way to untangle their knot of hasty choices without breaking the hearts of five precious children-or their own-in the process.

My take: I’ve always loved Deb Raney’s writing, and this book is no exception! From the first page to the last, Deb drew me in and made me care about each character. A fresh look at what can happen in life when tragedy strikes and how decisions made in haste can have lasting consequences. Evocative writing. A wonderful wrap-up to an enjoyable, heart-warming series!

The Inheritance by Award-winning, Bestselling author Tamera Alexander
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Desperate for a fresh start, McKenna Ashford accepts her cousin’s invitation and moves west with her rebellious younger brother to the not-so-quaint mountain town of Copper Creek, Colorado. She arrives only to find that life there is far from what she expects. Having practically raised Robert on her own, McKenna is burdened both with her failure as a parent and her deep conviction to not let her brother throw his life away. Trusting has never come easily for her–especially in issues of the heart–and that inability to trust is put to test when she meets U.S. Marshal Wyatt Caradon.

After years on the trail, Marshal Wyatt Caradon finds himself at a crossroads. He’s brought countless men to justice, but he questions what lasting good his life has accomplished. When his path intersects that of young Robert Ashford, Wyatt glimpses himself, years ago, in the boy’s pride and arrogance. He also sees a boy without a firm hand in his life. His well-meant attempt to help Robert brings him face-to-face with the one situation he never wanted to encounter–and the one woman who holds the key to helping him find his future.

My take: Tamera Alexander (a former critique partner of mine) has quickly become one of my favorite authors. Each book she writes leaves the reader with something to ponder as they walk through the hard lessons learned by the characters in her books. The Inheritance went with me to California and kept me focused on good things in the midst of the hard act of letting go, of helping two of our sons move out on their own. Tammy always manages to teach me something I need at that moment to learn. The story is gripping, poignant, and highly satisfying.

Happy reading~