How do you cope when life changes in a dramatic way? I’ve been thinking about that ever since we returned from California to two empty bedrooms. How quickly life can turn from what we know now to something far different than we expected. (I heard last night that my aunt died – my dad’s sister – a life change for her family whether it was expected or not.) So how do you cope – especially if that change isn’t what you wanted?
After we returned home from moving the kids and enjoying their constant company, I felt myself starting to slip into depression, not wanting to get out of bed those first few mornings (part of it I’ll blame on jet lag.) Tears kept at bay during the day would surface at night when I was least able to deny those feelings. I realized then that I had a choice. I could focus on missing my kids and cry all day or cling to the one that is still home – though he would not let me if I tried! – or I could choose to see things in a better light. Happiness is a choice we make every moment of the day. So what things contributed to that happiness?
For me there are several:
1. Write something new – in particular, start on a new fiction project or dive into an already written one that needs fixing – whatever it takes to get my mind imagining story again.
2. Get out of the house – make coffee, lunch, or dinner dates with friends – reconnect with people I haven’t seen in a while.
3. Get into God’s Word – join a Bible study – I picked one from the long list offered by my church where I can fellowship with other women and enjoy an in-depth study. I also realized how much I needed more depth to my own quiet time, so I went back to picking up the Bible before I got out of bed to read a few chapters before I get up. Puts the day in a much better light.
4. Try something new – for me that means new recipes. I love to bake, but I also like to cook if it’s not something too elaborate. I’m no master chef, but I like to experiment with new dishes that will allow us to eat healthier or quicker – hopefully both. I dug out several cookbooks and started pouring over recipes. As I try them, if they’re good, I’ll post them here.
5. Avoid constant quiet – I’m a quiet person and my career (writing) is a solitary venture, but that doesn’t mean the house has to be perfectly quiet. Pop in a CD or play iTunes on the computer or have the TV playing something boring in the background. Noise can help drive away loneliness – and if all else fails – I’ll pack up and write at Starbucks where I can people watch. :)
6. Get involved in ministry – even if it’s a temporary thing – like gathering things for a church garage sale – getting involved with a project outside of ourselves can help get our focus off the circumstances in our lives that we wish were different.
7. Never stop learning – I did that once. I turned off my desire to learn many years ago and suffered for it. God created us to learn and grow, and I never want to turn off that desire again. Maybe I’ll take a class in the future. My current hope-to-do goal is to learn Hebrew. I’ve memorized the alphabet – aleph bet – and a few phrases from a music CD – self taught right now. Someday I’d love to be fluent in Hebrew and Spanish.
Little insert here – which should have been at the top of the list. Prayer. How would I ever cope without my lifeline? Prayer is like breath. These days, I do a lot of clinging to Jesus.
There are many things we can do to cope with the stresses of life. (Reading fiction is another big one for me, of course!) :) The point for me is, I don’t have to give in to self-pity or depression when things don’t go the way I thought they would – or maybe they did, but the outcome wasn’t what I expected! For instance, I wanted my kids to pursue their dreams, I just didn’t want their dreams to separate our family by so many miles. God’s ways are not my ways – and I never have figured out how He tells time but I do know His timing and His ways are never wrong.
And He’s given me skills to cope with this thing called life. He promised to give me all the grace I need to accomplish what He wants me to do. Now it’s up to me to choose to do it.
So how do you cope?
