October 2008

Today Randy drove me to Grand Rapids to visit Baker Publishing Group’s offices and meet my marketing and publicity teams at Revell. What a fun day! We got to tour the offices and meet my editor and some of the other people who will be working or have worked on Michal. I met the designer of the book cover and got to thank her in person. It’s such an awesome cover!

When I entered the building, there was a frame on the reception counter greeting me! It said, “BAKER PUBLISHING GROUP WELCOMES Jill Eileen Smith”. How cool is that? I got to keep the sign and took a picture of it with my camera phone, but I forgot the digital camera, so can’t upload it here. I was bummed that I forgot the camera because I wanted a picture with the people I met. Oh well, maybe there will be a next time. :)

They also gave me a big cardboard sheet with the cover of Michal set as the top of an endcap they will use in book displays in certain bookstores. Now to find a wall in my house where I can display it! My little office doesn’t have much room, but I’ll find something. :)

After a tour of the offices and a visit to the warehouse where I saw boxes of books stacked to the ceiling, we met in a conference room and talked about marketing and publicity for Michal. I’m still in awe of all they are going to do – in awe of what God is doing with this book. There is still that part of me that has a hard time believing anyone would want to read something that I have loved for so long. :) I suppose that feeling will last at least until I hold the printed book in my hands. But I doubt I’ll ever lose the awe. This whole series has shown me God’s grace and sovereignty over and over again.

We finished up the meeting at lunch – nine of us in all. Every one of the women on these teams was so friendly and accommodating and helpful. I walked away very grateful that God saw fit to let me work with such a wonderful group of people!

After lunch we drove to a cider mill – we talked about things besides books at lunch – food being one of them – and one of the women mentioned honeycrisp apples, a kind I’d never heard of before. Since I’m planning to make an apple pie for Randy’s belated birthday celebration next week, I needed apples, so we got directions to the cider mill and bought four kinds of apples. Apple pie and applesauce taste best when you mix the apples. One woman suggested putting the apples in a crock pot to cook all day. What a great idea! I may just try that tomorrow. :)

All in all, it was a great day. On the drive there and back, I listened to some of the workshops I couldn’t attend at the ACFW Conference in September on my iPod. Since I didn’t have two books out yet, I couldn’t have attended these advanced classes in person, but it was nice to be able to learn what may be ahead for me – even if I had to do so after the fact. Some of the information could prove quite useful.

Though it was a great day, it’s also been a long day – had to get up early to make the drive. Time to go curl up with a good book and read. A day filled with books, good company, and food is one of the best kinds, yes?

Exhaustion hit me hard yesterday. Today seemed better, but after breakfast the familiar tiredness tugged at me again. I tried to figure out the reason, but I suspected the main one was probably depression. With all that is going right in my life right now, why on earth should I be depressed?

But I learned a long time ago that depression is often anger turned inward, and I knew there were things I was holding onto deep down inside me that bordered on frustration and bitterness. Bitterness, of course, is anger let go too long. Yeah, that sounded familiar. Been there, done that.

One good thing about experience is that it is indeed a great teacher. And there are times I’ve been known to learn from past error–at least once in a while! So I did what I knew I needed most. I spent the morning journal/praying to the Lord.

Some might say that journaling our thoughts is enough, but I’ve never been one to just journal. If I’m going to write it down, it’s going to come out in a prayer. The Bible says that “the joy of the Lord is my strength,” but I’d somehow lost track of that joy. Depression will do that. And spending time with God is the only way I know to restore it. So I figured it was time.

The thing is, sometimes life doesn’t go the way we want it to. The problems with my dad’s health and having him in a nursing home and all that goes along with that, which is more complex than I can share here, but all of that combined was taking its toll. I’m not used to such changes, and life has definitely changed. Responsibilities have changed. Relationships have changed. And I don’t like many of those changes.

But God is still God, and He is still good. And while I sometimes feel like my world has gotten too complicated, too busy, too overwhelming, too something, I have to remember that He isn’t surprised by any of it. And He is still there, waiting to take hold of me, of my struggles, of the things that would drag me down. His joy is my strength.

As I was dealing with this today, part of a song I’d heard in the past came to me. I searched the phrase on Google and found it. I won’t tell you how many times I’ve listened, but I think I’m close to having it memorized now. :) The video is on YouTube here. You’ve probably heard it – Anyway by Martina McBride.

I love the lyrics where she talks about building and dreaming and loving even if the building gets washed away or the dream doesn’t come true or the love fails. “Do it anyway.” Build anyway. Dream anyway. Love anyway.

Pray anyway…which is the surest way, if the praying is earnest and honest before the Lord, to right our attitudes, to turn depression into joy once more.

It took most of the day, but I’m seeing things differently now. And I’m not exhausted any more. I wonder…was there a connection between exhaustion and depression? Hmm…

All the more reason to keep praying, keep believing, keep loving and dreaming and building, “anyway” – and let the joy of the Lord be my strength. :)

I’ve been exhausted today, and I’m not exactly sure why. I drank coffee and have been tired ever since. Hmm…I would suggest there is a connection, but maybe not. I have been struggling with things lately though, so maybe between the physical and emotional strain and stresses of life, it makes sense to feel so tired. On the bright side, I took advantage of it and read most of the day. I’m devouring a new novel by an author I haven’t read before. So far, I can’t put it down. I reserve judgment until the end – as usual. :)

Friday I have the immense privilege of visiting my publisher! Revell is several hours away from me in Grand Rapids, so we’ll be getting up very early to get there by 10ish. But I can’t wait to meet the people who have been working so hard to bring Michal to publication. And we’ll be discussing marketing and publicity – things that are pretty new to me, but that I’m looking forward to learning more about.

Saturday Randy got invited to the Michigan State vs. Ohio State football game. Since his birthday is tomorrow, this weekend makes for some busy and unique ways to celebrate. But we won’t actually celebrate as a family for another week.

Considering how late it is and my exhaustion today, I have no business still writing. Time to go watch House – foolish as that is. So who ever said I ought to go to bed when I’m tired? Sigh. (I never could say no very well to my family.) :)

It’s amazing how much one can accomplish in a day. It feels good to know I managed to make a dent in a few of my chores. But the most fun was finishing my new series proposal sample chapters. Now to find out whether my crit partners like them. I added it up though, and I’ve written ten thousand words on this book already in just three chapters! Once I get the crits back, I’ll fine tune things and send it off. Then I will start working in earnest on Bathsheba.

The hardest part about sending in a contracted book or working up a new proposal is wondering if anyone will like it. I’m so grateful they love Michal, but will they love Abigail or this new series? The jury is still out on that, and I’m trying not to think about it or worry. I’ve done my best, at least I hope I have. That’s not to say I can’t change things, just that I hope I’m close to having written a good story. I think even published authors must go through such doubts with each subsequent book. Sigh.

Next week I think I’ll be visiting my publisher! I can’t wait to meet everyone who has been working so hard on Michal. I’ve had a wonderful experience with Revell so far and look forward to continue working with them. :)

Watched a History Channel show on the Countdown to Armageddon tonight. The next show is about the lost Ark of the Covenant. Interesting stuff. But the most enjoyable part with the second show is seeing the setting, which is Israel and Jerusalem. Brings back memories. Hard to believe so many months have passed since our trip there. I would love to go back again someday.

Our boys have been filming a video today in connection with a project the young adults at our church are doing. It’s weird having such a quiet house, but it did allow me to clean and write without too many interruptions. Still, I think the empty nest is going to be very weird. This is the first good-sized video shoot we haven’t helped them with. I enjoy watching them film, but Randy and I had too much to do to mind a whole lot. Someday, if they ever make other films, I want to be there at least part of the time. :)

The only problem with a busy day is that it makes for a tired person. Time to sign off and go to bed. :)

I can’t believe I haven’t posted in almost a week! Way too busy, but I’m hoping next week will slow down a bit. I finished my page proofs for Michal and turned in Abigail and am now working on a proposal for a new series. I wrote a whole chapter today, so that feels good, but I’m itching to write one more. :) When that is done and my crit partners have at it, I can dive into Bathsheba. Work shouldn’t be so much fun, should it? :)

Yesterday, I visited our church’s prayer room again. I can’t begin to describe what an awesome experience that is! To dedicate that whole hour to prayer and Bible reading in the middle of the day – I didn’t want to leave!

The conference with Liz Curtis Higgs was great! I got a chance to chat with Liz for a few minutes and later introduced her to a friend. Some of the young adult women in our church are doing a Bible study using her book Bad Girls of the Bible. They had their picture taken with Liz doing her famous “Ta Da!”. (Ta Da is what she suggests we say to ourselves when we look in the mirror – accepting of our appearance instead of looking for all of the flaws we find.) I’m not exactly a “Ta Da” kind of gal, (I see wrinkles too easily). Some of these girls were with us on the trip to Israel and they loved to pose in weird ways for pictures. :) Too fun!

I’ve been thinking a lot about paradoxes and God these days, and how much bigger He is than our finite minds can comprehend or conceive. I’ve also noticed how in Christian circles we tend to shy away from tough questions. Is God not big enough to handle them? Do we fear He’ll fall apart under tough scrutiny?

At Bible study last night we discussed Noah’s flood. One participant suggested that he could shoot holes in the Biblical account of Noah and the ark and people living nearly 1000 years. Several of us commented on his statement, but I realized later that we really weren’t interested in discussing his thoughts. If the setting had allowed, (it didn’t) we should have asked what he meant by that statement. Perhaps he didn’t know what he believed. Perhaps he was a skeptic seeking answers.

I’m not suggesting we argue with people over things no one can truly explain just for the sake of arguing. But is there something wrong with discussing an issue without an agenda? What if, instead of seeing a person’s doubts as a threat, we just listened and responded in a logical manner, in gentleness and kindness? If a man has doubts about God, He’s big enough to handle them. If we aren’t up to the challenge or fear we might fail to represent the Lord correctly, we can always say we don’t know the answer and try to find it for a later response. We aren’t all knowing and don’t have to try to be.

I’m reading a book by Alton Gansky – The Gospel According to Moses – What My Jewish Friends Taught Me About Jesus – which brings up this idea of paradox and discussing hard questions, of listening and trying to see things from another person’s point of view. Interesting reading.

I guess what I’m mainly learning is to be kind to others who might disagree with me, to not be agenda driven, but to love even those I can’t understand. To see the world through their eyes, if only for a moment, and to realize that God loves them too, and maybe, if I don’t drive them away with my opinions, perhaps I can show them my Jesus by my kindness and my life.

Jesus said to “love your neighbor as yourself.” He didn’t say we get to pick who that neighbor might be.