February 2008

This past week has been a rough one. I’ve struggled with a number of physical issues, mainly some significant back pain. I asked people to pray and sought medical advice. At one point the pain was nearly unbearable and I came very close to going to the emergency room. But by God’s grace, I managed to get through without resorting to that drastic measure.

What I discovered the next day though taught me something about trust. The discovery was that most of my back pain, perhaps all of it, was due to anxiety over our upcoming trip to Israel. Consciously, I’m looking forward to it. Subconsciously, I’ve been freaking out! And my body is paying the price.

The realization has caused a lot of introspection and prayer. I don’t want to be an anxious person, but I’ll admit it – I’ve got a “Martha” personality. What that means is that I tend to be “worried and upset about many things” rather than “seeking the better part” as Martha’s sister Mary did in the gospels.

“”Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:41-42

Seeking to sit at Jesus’ feet and learn, resting in His presence is best.

Why is it sometimes easier to trust the Lord with our eternal salvation but not the day-to-day details of our lives?

It comes down to a matter of trust and control. Do I believe God is sovereign and in control of all things? Then what is there to be anxious about? And yet in our humanity it’s so easy to fall into the trap of thinking we can control the things around us. We would probably be surprised to know how very little control we really have.

And yet, we think we do. And there is something disconcerting about hopping on a plane and flying across the ocean with a tour where control is totally out of my hands.

But today God reminded me that He indeed does have everything under control. In church every little thing from the message in Sunday School to the last song in the main service, to the encouragement from several friends, to the offer to do a column in our church newspaper reviewing Christian fiction – I felt as though God had sent each thing to lift me up and remind me how very much He loves me, and He still has plans for my life, and He can indeed be trusted.

One of my favorite verses of Scripture, a verse I replay in my mind often when I am distressed is Proverbs 3:5-6 -

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths.”

I’ve always believed that God cares about the details of our lives, but knowing and acting on that knowing can be two different things. With only one week left until our trip, I’m going to work on less worrying and more resting in God and His promises. Control is His. My part is to trust…

I ran across a blog today by a guy who claims he might have once been a Christian but is now an atheist. He calls himself a doubting Thomas, but that is not an accurate description because Thomas, who though he was labeled a doubter, in actuality believed – he just had a bit of a rough spot along the way. He was by no means an atheist.

But on this guy’s blog he has a page where he asks a lot of questions dealing with what Christians believe. He invites responses, but he doesn’t want the respondents to answer with “faith” or to quote Scripture as to why they believe as they do. He wants answers to his multitude of questions based solely on human reasoning.

The thing is, an atheist typically clings to their lack of faith in God with the same intensity that a religious person clings to theirs. While he would like to think we can answer questions without reflecting our faith, in fact no one can. Even his comments reflect his beliefs. He chooses not to believe in God just as truly as any other human being chooses to believe in one God or another.

He goes so far as to suggest teaching our beliefs to our children is a form of child abuse because it indoctrinates children to believe as their parents do. But if he is a parent, whether by word or example, he will teach his children his “faith” or lack thereof just as surely as any parent trains their children to understand and follow what they believe, whatever that may be. We don’t live in a vacuum. Religious instruction, whether it is taught or not is passed on to our offspring whether we like it or not – our children will eventually believe something and what we believe or claim not to believe will have some influence on their choices.

A lot of this guy’s questions are “why?” in relation to the Bible’s requirements for entrance into heaven or how God could judge those who don’t believe or haven’t heard about Jesus or aren’t mentally capable of making an informed decision about Christ.

As I read over his comments and myriad questions it struck me that many of them have one and the same answer. It reminded me of my children playing in the sandbox.

When my kids were small they spent hours in the backyard building cities in the sand. They divided the “land” between themselves and their neighborhood friends and set out to build, creating pretty elaborate metropolises. When they were finished, they would get out the garden hose and flood the whole box, destroying everything their hands had just made.

While this is not an exact comparison, it occurred to me that it all comes down to what a person believes about creation. Is God the Creator or not? Darwin and his cronies and his multitude of followers would say no, there is no creator, we evolved from the Big Bang to climb out of the primordial ooze so many billion years ago. In this teaching, everything happened by chance, there is no rhyme or reason to anything. We’re no better than the animals except that we must have been somehow smarter to keep evolving upward. Some think we can evolve into godhood.

Christianity says yes, there is a God – one God in three distinct persons who created the universe out of nothing. As Creator, He has the right and the ability to do whatever He pleases with that creation, whether the creatures like it or not.

Suppose my children had created sand people to live in their sand cities, and had the ability to breathe life into the sand. As their creator, my children would have an intimate knowledge of each and every creation, down to the most minute detail. They could choose to create people in any shape or size. Perhaps my children would give their sand creatures the ability to think and reason and feel – and even choose.

So what if those sand people chose to rebel against my children, their creators? What if they didn’t like being made of sand and wanted to be made of clay or cement or something more permanent? What if they started questioning my children’s judgment and began flinging accusations at them until they decided they didn’t want to be controlled by my children anymore? They would set off on their own and stop believing that my children were bigger and wiser than they were, whether it was true or not.

And what if my children talked to these sand people, to make themselves known to them, to show not only their power and right as the creator to do as they wished, but also their kindness by caring what the sand people thought and did and said? What if one of my children decided to step into their shoes and become a sand person, to help them to see what their creator is like – on their level?

In a non-metaphorical sense, God the Creator did just that.

The problem is, we as humans often question the Creator and deny His ability and right to control what He has made. When life doesn’t turn out to our satisfaction or when we are faced with the bigger questions like ‘why are we here?’ or ‘where do I come from?’ we want answers that will lead us to something or someone bigger than ourselves. We can settle for a Big Bang or a Big God, but the one we choose will determine how we perceive the world and how we answer the myriad questions like those of the atheist doubting Thomas.

If God is Creator, as Christians believe, then whether we question or not, we accept that He is sovereign and can do as He pleases with His own creation. We may think Him cruel and unkind – or we may think Him amazing and merciful. Our perception boils down to faith of one kind or another.

So to answer this doubting Thomas without ‘faith’ is not possible, because even a lack of faith is a type of faith – it is faith in nothing. So is God creator or not? We all put our faith in something – evolution, ourselves, another god, or the God of the Bible. How we answer that question, will determine the rest.

My book baby, that is…I finished Michal today and hit “send” to my editor. At last! I’m a perfectionist, to some degree – not where housework is concerned, but in some things. :) My editor’s suggested changes were small, but as I read the manuscript through the first time I noticed areas that could be better, so tweaked those. Finished reading it through a week ago, then started in on it again – just had to read it one more time…and today I finished! Funny how you catch things even after reading something six or eight times. (I’ve lost count.)

Thanks to all of you who prayed for me. I appreciate every prayer and every continued prayer since my issues tend to be chronic. The doctor put me on an anti-inflammatory, so we’ll see if that helps, and a friend made a suggestion for wrist guards, which is helping my hand numbness. I’m to see a specialist after our trip.

I got an iPod Nano for my birthday and have had fun adding songs to my play list. It got me listening to music more frequently, and I found I can actually read and listen at the same time. Praise music does wonders for the soul. I love the shuffle feature, because I get sick of the same music over and over again, as in playing a CD to death. This way I never know what’s coming. Love it!

Been thinking how awesome God is lately. I found a website with the Hebrew names for God. There are SO many and they are filled with such meaning! Check it out here.

I’m feeling rather cruddy today – missed church because of icy roads this morning, and I truly enjoy the fellowship of other believers. But the reason for my woes is not spiritual but physical. I would covet your prayers for wisdom and healing.

The problem is some weird tingling and slight numbness in my hands and feet. I’ve been going to massage therapy and seeing a chiropractor, and things seem better for a time. But last night, stress brought a flare up to my hands again, and I can’t seem to shake it. I’m seeing my regular doctor tomorrow.

The last time I saw this doctor, he suggested a test that I do not want. I’ve had this test before and it is quite painful. I will not go through that again unless there is absolutely no other recourse. Even then, I don’t know. But I cannot continue with this problem, which may be connected to my tight muscles and trigger point pain or maybe I have a pinched nerve.

We leave for Israel in a few weeks, and I would really like to not be dealing with this then, but I’m not sure there is anything anyone can do for me aside from the Lord’s intervention. So I’m calling on those of you who know me, who feel led to pray, to ask God to touch my body and relieve the issue. Our God is the Great Physician and while I respect doctors and am willing to try most things, I know that any true healing comes only from Him.

Any and all prayers are greatly appreciated!

(And we have not seen the mouse again. Maybe he caught sight of the two kitties and found another way out – or died of fright.)

This morning after running some errands, I settled in my favorite chair with my laptop and began the final read-through of Michal, so I can send it to my editor. The chair is in the family room and has a view of the gas fireplace and the backyard, each on different walls. Every now and then I glanced up from my reading, when sudden movement caught my eye. There, running across the hearth tile was a tiny field mouse!

Naturally, I did what all self-respecting women do when they find a mouse in their house. Okay, maybe not all self-respecting women, but those of us who have never had a mouse in their house before might react this way…

My screams scared the little guy into doing an about-face and run in the opposite direction. Straight for my office. Where are two cats when you need them? Running away from all the noise I was making, I suppose.

Chris and Ryan tried to find the thing, and we spotted him in numerous places in the room. But without a mouse trap, or a CAT, he was too quick. He finally ran down the vent under the step, and now there is no way to get at him unless he decides to come out.

So I am working upstairs in my bedroom now…We put a piece of cheese in front of the step, but no one was sitting around to watch what would happen. I was distracted with a phone call and by the time I went back downstairs, the cheese was gone. Tiger might have eaten it except that he was asleep under my bed. Yeah, great hunter, that one! And Shadow would not have eaten the whole piece – at best he might have licked it. (He was hiding in the basement during our mouse hunt. The ONE time we actually need a cat…hmm….

Of course, neither of our cats have front claws, so I’m not sure they could have held him if they’d caught him. But we do need to catch him. I cannot work in my office with a mouse on the loose!

But another part of me feels sorry for the little guy. Randy thinks he came down the chimney looking for food. So now he’s a little less hungry after eating some pepper jack cheese. I do wish we could just catch him and put him back outside. I hate the thought of killing him. But I will not share my house with a mouse!