September 2007

Well, it turns out I needed to purchase Internet access for a day while I’m here in Dallas, so I figured a post would make the $9.95 for 24 hours a little more worth the cost. I only needed to send an email, so it seemed a little pricey for one piece of correspondence, wouldn’t you say? Unfortunately, this hotel has no free Internet access.

We had a great flight yesterday, though we had to wait for a room once we arrived. I’m afraid the poor staff at this hotel is overworked with all of the rooms filled. They’re doing a great job though.

Today was exhausting but good. I didn’t make it to any of the workshops, unfortunately, due to appointments and the need to rest as I wasn’t feeling all that great. It’s been great to connect with friends I made last year though. And I’ve garnered a little interest in my work, which is encouraging.

We had dinner at a French restaurant again this year. When I say we, I mean the agency I’m with organized the dinner and I went along. It’s always fun to connect with other, like-minded writers.

James Scott Bell is the keynote speaker this year, and he had some good things to say last night. The one that stuck most in my mind was this statement:

Great art makes you homesick for heaven.

Perhaps that is because great art is created with great passion and skill and endurance. Artists may be born gifted, but they aren’t good until they study their craft and master it. Creativity is a reflection of our Creator and the more beautiful the art, the more it reminds us of Him. Thus our longing to be with Him in heaven.

It’s not often that we see truly great art. But when we do, it is a rare jewel to behold.

In any case, things are going well so far here in Dallas. We’re on the top floor of the hotel – something new for me. Tomorrow promises to be another full day.

My son, Ryan, and I leave tomorrow morning for Dallas to join my writer friends at the American Christian Fiction Writer’s Conference. I’m looking forward to four days and three nights of fellowship with writers from all over the country and some come from other nations too. Prayers for safe travel and good health and baggage that arrives without a glitch are most welcome. :)

As with every conference, I tend to undergo a bit of angst leading up to the time. I love to travel, and I even enjoy flying, but still, at times it takes me out of my comfort zone. I also tend to go through a lot of doubts, which leads to a lot of praying.

Have you ever noticed that you pray more when you’re troubled about something? Especially, if it’s something personal that affects you directly. I’ve heard people say that we should pray least about ourselves and more about others. There is some wisdom in that. As Christians, we don’t want to be self-centered. Still, there are so many things that we care about that won’t matter to anyone else except us and God – so why not talk to Him about them?

The Psalms are filled with prayers extolling God, asking for destruction of enemies, requests for deliverance of one thing or another – but if you look at them, many are simply heart cries that talk about the needs of the author. David pours out his needs in prayer – things personal to him. And even Jesus, when He taught the disciples to pray, after starting off in praise to the Father, went on to ask…”Give US this day…Forgive US…Lead US…Deliver US…” Are those not personal prayers the individual is asking for themselves?

I am seriously not trying to suggest we become self-centered in our praying. We struggle enough with self-centeredness everywhere else in life. And yet, God wants to commune with us, to talk with us, to hear our worries and struggles and fears. He says in Philippians to pray about everything, which would of course include prayer for those in authority, those we love, even those who hate us. But that verse also says not to worry about anything but to pray about everything. What do we worry most about? The things that directly concern us.

Which is what I’m doing a lot of these days as this conference approaches. I do not know what this weekend will bring, but I hope God uses the time to teach us something He wants us to know.

I don’t know if I’ll have Internet access there – last time I couldn’t figure out how to use it – so I probably won’t post again until next week. In the meantime, I wish you all God’s blessings and peace.

A few days ago I mentioned how King David worshiped the Lord in both great joy and great sorrow. II Samuel 7 records the words he spoke when he went into the tabernacle and sat before the Lord after hearing the good news that his royal line would endure forever. His words honor God, calling him O Sovereign Lord again and again and telling Him how great He is. His words overflow, as though he cannot get them out fast enough, yet they are filled with great reverence. He even asks the Lord, “Is this your usual way of dealing with man, O Sovereign LORD?” As though the news is more than he can get his mind to fully process. It reminds me a little of how we can get when we’re so excited we jabber. David isn’t exactly jabbering, but he seems to be grappling with how to put his feelings into words. This shows up in his statement, “What more can David say to you? For you know your servant, O Sovereign LORD.”

In this instance David prayed with great joy and many words.

But when he entered the Lord’s presence in profound grief a few years later, his words, if there were any, are not recorded. The Scripture simply says he went in before the Lord and worshiped. During the time of his repentance over his sin of adultery and murder, while his infant son lay dying because of his sin, the Bible says David pleaded with the Lord for the child. The Bible also records his words in Psalm 51 and possibly Psalm 32 as a glimpse into what was going on in his heart. So we know he spoke in his grief. And though we cannot know for sure what he might have said to the Lord in his heart immediately after the death of his son, II Samuel 12 records no words. Only worship.

In this instance David worshiped amidst great grief without words.

The Bible teaches us to pray always, about everything. God cares about the details of our lives, and He wants us to ask Him for help with everything that touches our life or the lives of those we love, from the smallest want to the biggest need. Whether abundantly blessed or greatly troubled, He wants to hear our words poured out to Him like fragrant incense, seeking His answers.

But sometimes, words do not come. Some things in life are too big, too overwhelming, too difficult to express. So we come before Him, quiet and humble, with hearts unable to do much more than ache or wait. Worship is more an act of obedience than a desire of the heart. As perhaps David felt in his grief.

In such instances, the Bible tells us that the Spirit helps us, praying for us.

The apostle Paul put it this way in Romans 8: “In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God’s will.”

Prayer is a vital part of worship when it brings us into His presence to sit before the Lord. It speaks volumes from our heart to His…

…with or without words.

I finally get to share what my boys love to do – direct film. Here is their latest music video – story by and directed by Jeff and Chris Smith – which is now available to watch on YouTube, but I’m showing it here for your convenience. My guys have a cameo appearance at the very end, if you can pick them out. (I’ll give you a hint – look for a camera and boom operator.) Oh, and my youngest son is in the film as a hockey player for a brief appearance. Mom and dad were on set as helpers, but hey, the crew does have to eat. :)

Here it is:

I’d love to hear what you think of the video, or better yet, go to YouTube and rate it yourself, if you like it. I think you have to have a YouTube account to do so.

Enjoy ~

If circumstances do not determine our joy, what does? Paul wrote about joy from the pit of a dungeon. Did that mean he never experienced anguish or despair? 2 Corinthians 1:8-9 says, “We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead.”

Similarly, the Psalms are filled with David’s cries for deliverance from his own pit of despair. He talked often of sorrow and anguish, followed shortly by praise for all God had done and would do. How could he flip flop like that? To start a psalm begging for God to help, asking why he had sorrow in his heart every day, only to end it with trust that God would save, especially when he hadn’t yet seen that salvation?

It’s a matter of perspective.

David had been king in Jerusalem for a number of years, lived in a palace that surpassed anything Israel had seen to that point, and was at peace with his enemies. He had reinstated worship surrounding the Ark of the Covenant and realized one day that he lived in a better house than God’s ark did (where God allowed His presence to reside.) So he made a proposition to the prophet Nathan to build a great temple to the Lord. Nathan thought it was a terrific idea, until the Lord told him no. Then instead of letting David down gently, the Lord surprised him and turned the tables, promising to build David a house, a lineage that would last forever – the Messiah would be born of David’s line and his kingdom would never end.

David probably responded to this news with a sense of shock. Overwhelmed is a good word to describe his ensuing prayer of response and acceptance. But the point is, David reacted to this good news by going into the tent that housed the ark and the Bible says, he sat before the Lord. His prayer shows a deep attitude of worship. (See 2 Samuel 7)

Fast forward a few years. David has somehow forgotten that joyous moment and fallen into sin with Bathsheba, committing adultery and murder. God sends Nathan to him again, only this time, Nathan comes in judgment. He points out David’s sin, and to his credit, David immediately repents. But judgment falls fast and the child Bathsheba has just borne to him takes ill. David knows the illness is unto death, but he spends seven days fasting and praying for his son anyway, pleading with the Lord to relent and let the child live. God says no and the child dies.

David wasn’t likely shocked by this news. He knew it was coming. Humbled, guilty, and ashamed, David could have turned bitter that his son had to suffer for a sin he didn’t commit. In fact, his servants were afraid to tell him of the child’s death.

David noticed that his servants were whispering among themselves and he realized the child was dead. “Is the child dead?” he asked.

Then David got up from the ground. After he had washed, put on lotions and changed his clothes, he went into the house of the LORD and worshiped.

Two opposite circumstances – one bringing joy and astonishment at God’s goodness and grace. The other – just consequences for David’s grave sin.

Both brought the same response from a man who knew God deserved to be honored no matter what life brought his way – he went in before the Lord and worshiped.

His servants couldn’t understand David’s behavior. His servants asked him, “Why are you acting this way? While the child was alive, you fasted and wept, but now that the child is dead, you get up and eat!”

Isn’t that a normal human reaction? Who acts like that anyway?

David said, “While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept. I thought, ‘Who knows? The LORD may be gracious to me and let the child live.’ But now that he is dead, why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him, but he will not return to me.”

It’s all a matter of perspective…

Sometimes I live in a fantasy world. Oh, not just the world of fiction where I get to make up stories, but the fantasy of seeing things I long for happen exactly as I’d hoped and planned. My fantasies don’t often agree with my reality, but hey, for a time, the escape is good. It’s nice to dream…

Still, sometimes I wish I didn’t want certain things so much. Today was one of those days. I woke up with the weirdest dream, followed by a number of melancholy moments. The thing is, I’m trying to keep myself from hoping too much. If you’ve read my blog very long, you know that hope is to see my books in print. Particularly, the story of my heart, which is currently under consideration.

And that under consideration status is causing me to learn trust at a whole new level. One moment I give the whole thing to the Lord with ease, because I truly want His will in this above my own desires. The next moment, I’m thanking Him, asking in faith believing. A day later, I get hit with a dose of reality, and try not to get my hopes up. So I tell myself I’m not good enough and why would anyone want to read my work – and pretty soon I’m depressed. :(

Which is what happened today. It lasted for several hours, and I told the Lord I could really use some encouragement. Then I went to my hairdressers and nearly cried, followed by a trip to the office supply store and felt this overwhelming urge to weep. (I didn’t.) But I decided I really needed a strong dose of chocolate!

So I grabbed a Dove Promise when I got home and the promise said, “If they can do it, you know you can.” A nice, miniature encouragement. Okay, but not exactly what I had in mind. Then I heard from my agent, and that always makes me feel better. :) Much better.

But the surprise came at Bible study tonight.

We were asked what the best thing was that happened to us this summer. I thought about it for a minute and decided to share the publishing events that have brought me to this best and worst of feelings – excited and subdued – anxious and at peace – hopeful and fighting despair. When I finished, the lady who brought chocolate (the perfect antidote) gave me the whole bag! I didn’t know what to say, but later thanked her and she said she had a really good feeling about this book. Then another woman who overheard our conversation, whom I’d never met, asked me all about the book and who I was, and well…God used these two women to do exactly what I asked Him to do that morning. Encouraged me.

Then our whole lesson was on joy. (We’re studying Philippians, the joy book, this session.) And on the big screen was a picture of a very large hand, palm facing up. The speaker said joy is not dependent on what is happening, and that depression is replaced with joy that God is at work in our life right now because we belong to Him. He holds me in the palm of that very large hand, along with all my hopes and anxieties and mixed emotions and dreams. He’s got it figured out better than I ever will, but no matter what happens, I can rejoice in knowing that I belong to Him. Does it get any better than that?

I know, I’ve said all this here before, but it was so nice to be reminded again that God indeed cares for the smallest details of our lives. He knew that everything from the Dove “promise” to the chocolate lady’s remarks to the capable hand displayed on the screen, I would be encouraged and built up in the faith.

Maybe I do want this too much. But He’ll take care of that too, when He leads me to that next step in His plan for my life. The important thing is to remember that we belong to Him, even on chocolate days…and He cares for us more than we will ever understand.

Who knows – maybe He created chocolate – for joy. :)