August 2007

Ah! A topic with which I am intimately familiar! (A topic I’m borrowing from a writer’s loop I’m on – I posted this there, but maybe it will help someone here as well.)

Actually, I’ve been thinking a lot about rejection these days, not because I’ve had a recent rejection but because I have garnered interest in one of my projects – again. That really is a good thing – and I thank the Lord for all the interest editors have shown in my many and varied projects over the years. Trouble is, I get as far as committee, even made it to pub board once, only to hear the inevitable “sorry, we’ll have to pass – we wish you all the best with the project” news.

Is there a way to get past the hurt – does it get any easier? Yes – it can. Here are a few things I’ve learned in this rejection process:

1. Remember that our calling as Christian writers is not to be published. Our true calling is to follow Jesus, to grow in His grace and knowledge, to be like Him. Publishing books is simply the path God has chosen to shape us into Jesus’ likeness. Whether we are at the beginning of that path receiving nothing but rejections or multi-published and well-known – this is the means God has chosen for us, as writers, to learn the lessons He would teach us to make us like His Son. The books we hold are the tools He uses in that shaping process.

2. God will use the rejection for our good, if we are His. Romans 8:28 tells us that God uses all things for the good of those who love Him, who are called according to His purpose. Even rejections. Especially rejections. Don’t they cause us to seek Him when they come? So even in this there is a purpose.

3. Be thankful. This is SO hard! It’s a lesson I’ve only recently put into practice, but I’m amazed at how well it works! The last rejection I received was especially difficult because the editor wanted to like my story. But for whatever reason my characters just didn’t click with her. So when her rejection came, I considered crying and chocolate and all manner of venting frustration, but instead decided that God deserved thanksgiving. After all, He’d given me the opportunity to even know this editor. Plus, the editor likes me regardless, which is way cool, even if I never get to work with her. And maybe I can learn a thing or two from her comments. And I already have.

4. Trust. Like I said above, I’m at a point of waiting again, with the chance that my agent has either finally hit the right place at the right time with the right project…or not. And that waiting and wondering has me thinking all sorts of wild “what if” fantasies. I’ve gotten so used to God’s waiting room with its rejection slips papered over the walls that it’s rather comfortable here. Sometimes we can get too used to rejections and fear the future. Maybe we even quit trying. Trust God’s timing. And be ready to move out when He says to.

5. Persevere. Keep writing and polishing and growing and submitting. Always keep in mind that our perseverance isn’t just to try to get us published. Go back to the first point and remember – rejections are a tool God uses along the path of publishing to make us like Jesus.

And writing aside, in all of life, that’s our highest calling and our goal.

Why do Christians sometimes feel like they have to be able to explain everything God does? Why is it so difficult to admit that sometimes we just don’t understand His ways?

Take for instance prayer. We read verses that tell us to ask in faith believing, and to ask that your joy may be full, and we ask for things we want but always with qualifiers. It’s as though we want to give God an out, afraid that if He doesn’t answer the way we have asked that it would make Him look bad. But what’s wrong with asking specifically for what we’d like, and yet be willing to accept His will whatever that may be? To ask with thanksgiving and faith, yet accept that He might say no? God doesn’t need us to make allowances for Him. We just need to accept His will – that sometimes He does give us what we ask for, but sometimes, what we ask for isn’t best so He doesn’t grant it.

Another example would be predestination vs. free will. The Bible clearly says that God chooses and calls those who will be saved. “All things have been committed to me by my Father. No one knows who the Son is except the Father, and no one knows who the Father is except the Son and those to whom the Son chooses to reveal him.”

“Moreover whom He predestined, these He also called; whom He called, these He also justified; and whom He justified, these He also glorified.”

There are many other verses that talk about God’s choosing and His right and ability to do whatever He pleases. He made the world and is in control of all things. Why would we think he isn’t able to choose whom He will?

And yet, He also says “The Lord is not slack concerning His promise, as some count slackness, but is longsuffering toward us, not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance.”

And other verses talk about whoever calls on the name of the Lord will be saved. This apparent dichotomy in these verses leaves believers with a paradox that has caused immense discussion over the years. People have left churches over predestination vs. free will.

My question is, why is it so hard to accept this as a paradox? Not everything in Scripture is easily explained. Some things are a mystery that only God knows for sure. In a certain sense, why can’t they both be true? God does choose, and without His choosing, we couldn’t respond. “We love him, because he first loved us.”

But He also gives men free will and wants everyone to be saved. “For this is good and acceptable in the sight of God our Savior, who desires all men to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth.” Then why not just choose them all? Because it would violate the person’s free will? Or because God doesn’t want to choose everyone? But He just said He wants everyone to be saved.

Do you see the problem? The paradox ends with confusion on our parts when we try to understand it in human light. But with God there is no confusion, He just hasn’t explained it fully to us. God knows and in His mind it all fits together. We don’t need to put God in a box and try to figure out every detail of His plan.

We only need to accept that God is bigger than we are, and we don’t need to know everything. Accept that if a paradox can occur in other walks of life, they can occur in Scripture too.

In some respects it keeps us realizing that we are human and He is not. Christians may have the mind of Christ because the Spirit lives within us, but we are not God. As a parent does not always explain all things to a child, so God does not always explain everything fully to us.

We just have to accept it.

We’re under a severe thunderstorm watch tonight. I sincerely hope we don’t lose power, but I do love a good storm – when it’s not a scary one. We happen to live in an area that gets very little in the way of “severe” – not like the hurricanes or tsunamis or flooding or earthquakes that happen in other parts of the world. My heart goes out to the people I saw on the news tonight who have been flooded out of their homes. The closest we’ve come is a flooded basement or a leaky window. I can’t imagine so much heartache. So much loss.

What I love about a rainstorm, when it’s not devastating, is listening to the thunder and the rain pound the roof. (Of course, I like this much better when I’m inside and when I know my family is safe. But it always amazes me to watch and listen to the power in a storm. When my kids were small I would tell them that the thunder is God talking. Actually, I still believe that – it wasn’t just something I made up to explain it away. I know that doesn’t sound scientific, but the Bible does tell us that God thunders from heaven. Personally, I think its His way of reminding us of how big He is. Do you know anyone else with a louder voice?

I imagine when Jesus was on earth and was baptized by John the Baptist and the Spirit descended like a dove and God spoke from heaven that it had to have caught the attention of those standing by. Much like a thunderstorm does today, only then, at least some of them, could make out the words.

Well, the rain has begun and I’m sitting here watching it. I’ve gotten a lot of writing done these past two days – nearly 7000 words! A record for me, but the story just kept coming. I’m running into a realization though that I’m going to finish this story far short of my estimated word count, so that means going back and filling in quite a bit. Usually, I overshoot the count and have to cut, so this will be a first. But as I’ve probably mentioned in previous posts, I get to know my characters as I write, so now that I’m knowing them and their motives better, it should be easier to go back and fill in things I didn’t flesh out so well. Should be fun. Did I mention I like rewriting?

I’m also rereading the book of my heart – the one under consideration at a publisher – one I’m praying they will love. I can hardly imagine what it would be like to get “the call” saying I’ve finally sold a series. Or even one book. But God says to ask that our joy may be full, and that we have not because we ask not. I’ve been telling my kids this truth for a long time, and it’s one I’m still learning to put into practice. It’s a balance of asking the Lord for His will, ready to submit to whatever He wants, and yet asking Him to grant us the desire of our heart. I’m keeping in mind that His will and His timing and His choices are best. And then I ask because He said I could. So we’ll see…

The rain is coming in sheets now. Two of my kids are out – hopefully, not driving in this. I’m fairly certain they’re at the houses of friends, so I’ll trust that the Lord will bring them safely home. The thunderstorm “watch” runs until 11 p.m. I wonder what they do when the “watch” turns to the actual storm? Does it still run that late? Hmm…

I’d better post this before I chance us losing power or internet access, which is more likely than total power loss. And if my arms will hold out, maybe I’ll write a few more words. Or read a good book…so many choices. :)

Our pastor made a great statement Sunday morning. He was talking about prayer and how the Holy Spirit intercedes for us, praying with groans too deep for words. At times when we don’t know how to pray due to extreme circumstances or difficult decisions or ignorance of God’s will, the Spirit knows the mind of the Lord and prays for us accordingly. That’s a comforting thought.

But the statement that got me thinking was when he said, “We pray for our deliverance, but He has our development in mind.”

The other day I mentioned that it’s not about publishing or whatever goal we might have in mind. The path the Lord has chosen for each of us is meant to lead us to be more like Jesus. To know Him should be our highest goal.

But part of that knowing comes from learning life’s tough lessons. We suffer trials, whether they be consequences for our actions, or things thrust on us through normal life circumstances, or tragedies beyond our control – normally, we pray for the Lord’s deliverance from such things. Conflict is only pleasant in fiction, not real life, so when we’re faced with it, we do whatever we can to get out of it.

Unfortunately, God doesn’t always deliver us from such things – or if He does, He may take a while to do so. He allows the trial for our good, for our development, because He is forming us into the image of His Son. Hard as that may be, it’s what He desires for every Christian. And God uses every circumstance toward that end – for our good.

It’s hard to think of any trial as a good thing. Some people have gone through such tragedies it seems unthinkable that any good could come of them. And during such trials, it is not wrong to pray for our deliverance.

But while we await an answer to our prayers for deliverance, perhaps it would help to also ask what the Lord would have us learn from the experience. Ask Him to develop our character into His likeness, and in so doing, get to know Him better. In eternity, our development will matter more to us than any earthly deliverance.

Writers often think the goal of any written work should be to see that work in print. Particularly if you’re writing a full-length novel. Why else would you take all that time to learn the craft and carefully construct a story out of nothing? To sit in a drawer or computer file on your desk? Not usually.

In my twenty something years of writing, publication has been my goal as well. From my first two-volume epic on the life of King David to my current mystery/suspense, I’ve worked to create a piece of fiction that would appeal to an audience, that would find its way behind the covers of a printed book.

I’ve been traveling this path of hope for a long time. I’ve watched others start down this road after I did and find success before me. Such things lend themselves to jealousy and depression. Why not me too, Lord? It’s been a continual prayer. Especially when I know my work is sitting on an editor’s desk waiting for a response. Would it be so hard for Him to open a door for me as He’s done for so many others?

I was thinking those thoughts again this week after my agent told me she’d hit “send” on a manuscript that I have loved for a long time to an editor anxious to see it. That’s when the doubts started. I want this editor to love my work. What if she doesn’t? I found myself fearing rejection yet again, wondering why I keep trying when rejection seems to follow me everywhere.

And as I started praying, I realized that writing novels (or anything else for that matter) is not about publication. Publication is simply the path God has chosen in my life to lead me to be more like Jesus.

The goal of life is to know Him. So often we do things for God. But when we stand before Christ on that final day of judgment, He’s not going to care what we did for Him. He’s either going to say, “That one is mine.” Or “I never knew you.”

Each of us follows a goal or career path in life. Aside from my first goal of loving my husband and children, mine has been to write and publish novels. And that path toward publishing has taught me patience, perseverance, grace, kindness, discernment, wisdom, empathy, professionalism, forgiveness, and understanding. (And I’m still learning these things.) I’m also learning to set aside my jealousy to rejoice with those who rejoice. And to weep with those who weep.

Learning to be a better writer, suffering through years of trial and layers of rejection, has grown me as a person, (at least I hope so!) but more importantly has caused me to depend ever more on Jesus. To trust Him with the waiting, to thank Him for what He can teach me through the pain. To write because He’s called me to do it – whether I ever hold a book with my name on it in my hands or not.

Because it’s not about publication…it never has been. It’s all about knowing Jesus and growing into His likeness. I’m not there yet – never will be this side of heaven – but I’m enjoying the journey. Published or not, it’s the path He’s chosen for me.

So I’ll walk it willingly.

My boys filmed a music video this past weekend. Family and friends were part of the crew, along with actors who auditioned for parts, a DP (director of photography), a producer, and extras. The filming stretched over three days, two of which were outdoors in 90+ degree heat. I had the job of feeding the crew. The whole thing was fun and exhausting. It will take me a week to recover. :)

In the midst of the filming I came home to grab food and check my email. Saturday I found an email from my agent telling me that she has a request for one of my favorite books! The story behind this book is actually more involved than I can share here at this time, but suffice it to say I was almost giddy at the news! Of course, a request is not a contract, and the book could end up rejected by the editor, but I’m still thrilled to have her interest. So today was spent tweaking the proposal and chapters. The editor wants the full manuscript too, and as I was rereading the thing for the zillionth time, I fell in love with it yet again. I may just go upstairs with my laptop and read the rest. Of course, then I’ll want to tweak it more, so maybe I’ll let it be. If it sells, I’ll get to read it a lot more during the editing process. I never grow tired of that story though.

Now that I’ve finished the tweaking, my house really needs some attention. I managed to do laundry today as all of our clothes were nasty, but the mess is still sitting around for us to trip over. I don’t suppose it will clean itself.

Tomorrow I’ll switch gears back to writing in a different genre, since I write in two. The requested book was different than the one I’m currently writing. So it’s back from 1000 B.C. to present day. Pretty quick time travel, eh?

Until later ~