May 2006

A few posts ago I talked about an over-indulgent father, Jacob. I find the study of the patriarchs fascinating, their stories rich with intrigue. One of my favorites of Jacob’s sons is the subject of my thoughts today. His name is Judah.

Judah was Jacob’s fourth-born son by his wife, Leah. When Leah began birthing Jacob’s sons, the names she gave them reflected her heart’s cry. She longed for her husband’s love, which belonged exclusively to her sister. But by the time she gave birth to her fourth son, her focus had shifted from wanting Jacob’s love to praising God for the gifts of her children.

I’d like to think that the change in his mother had something to do with Judah’s upbringing and place in the hierarchy of Jacob’s family. Eventually, it did, for in time Judah became a man that would make any mother proud. But in the meantime, he went through some mighty trying times and committed some sins that some of us would still abhor.

Today though, I’m thinking about what led to Judah’s calculated indifference toward his youngest brother, Joseph.

Genesis 37 records the story of how Joseph, sent by his father, went to find his brothers, who were off shepherding Jacob’s flocks. By this time, Jacob had already given Joseph an ornamental robe of many colors, signifying Jacob’s intention to put Joseph at the head of the family when he died. This did not endear him to his ten older brothers.

So when Joseph found his brothers tending sheep, they plotted to kill him. The oldest, Reuben, persuaded the others to just throw him into a cistern, intending to rescue him later and return him to their father. Then Reuben took off somewhere, maybe chasing a wayward lamb or something, leaving the nine brothers near the pit with Joseph.

I imagine that Joseph did a bit of shouting and begging for them to release him. Perhaps he threatened to tell their father. Maybe he cried for mercy.

A while later some Ishmaelite traders passed by and Judah got the bright idea to sell Joseph to the traders as a slave, taking him far from home, stripping him of his status as future ruler over them. The other brothers agreed and Joseph found himself walking the trail to Egypt. Judah went home with the rest of his brothers and Joseph’s cloak torn and bloodied, and handed it to their father.

Jacob assumed that Joseph had been killed by a wild animal and torn to pieces. His sons did nothing to correct his false assumption. Jacob tore his clothes and mourned for Joseph. His children tried to comfort him, but he would not be comforted.

I wonder if Joseph’s cries for mercy rang in Judah’s ears. Did he awake at night in a cold sweat, with guilt so great it nearly suffocated him? Genesis 38 tells us that “At that time Judah left his brothers…” He went to stay with a friend, got married, had three sons, raised the sons, married two of them off, buried two of them, and eventually returned home to his father, Jacob. In the time he was away, I wonder how often he agonized over that brief bout of calculated indifference. I personally think that at that time Judah must have been a hard man to live with. I doubt he could stand himself. Guilt can do that to us.

How many years did he let jealousy and anger toward Joseph fester before that fateful day when he decided the boy deserved a life of slavery, to get him away from the rest of the clan? I dare say that Judah had a boat load of anger before he ever sank into the sea of indifference. But it was that indifference that led him to stupid choices, which eventually awakened his guilt, and that guilt grew so great it pushed him away from all he held dear. How could he face his father knowing that it was his suggestion to send Joseph away and that the consequences of that action had changed his father into a depressed, tired, old man – far from the man Judah once admired?

He couldn’t. Because the guilt had become like a millstone about his neck, trying to drag him down to the dust.

Thankfully, the story doesn’t end there. But this part does have a lesson for us, I think. If nothing else, it helps us to see that bitterness can lead to indifference, and indifference can lead to really bad choices, and really bad choices can lead to guilt so great we simply cannot bear it.

Perhaps that’s why Ephesians 4:26-27 tells us, “In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.”

Judah let the devil have a major foothold. But we will see that God had a plan to pull Judah out of that snare and turn him into a respectable, God-honoring person. But it took a change of heart, and a willingness to let go of past grudges. It meant offering his pride on the altar of his indifference.

I’ve noticed many people, even people who call themselves Christians, who have no goals, no plans, no dreams for the future. They seem to be wandering aimlessly through life with nothing more important on their minds than working, eating, sleeping, and entertaining themselves. They are often bored, with little patience, and a lot of self-indulgence. Now that is not to say working, eating, sleeping, and relaxing are wrong. But honestly, a Christian has no reason to be bored.

There are so many things to do in life, so many creative endeavors, so many gifts God bestows on those who love Him. Most of the dedicated believers I know have more desires and dreams than time to fulfill them.

God has given us the task of working and living for His glory and His kingdom. His will is that we complete the works He has planned for us to do – and once we discover them, to work at them with all of our heart. Of course, we won’t know what those works are if we don’t spend time with Him in His Word and in prayer. But then we need to get busy and try our hand at the things we enjoy – not just sit around and vegetate, with no ambition.

God is personal – up close and personal – and in control of everything. If we know Him, we need not fear that He has somehow forgotten us. He is near and hears us when we call on Him and works all things for our good.

His plans are to give us a future and a hope, which should spur us to motivate and dream. Live the life He has given to us.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking this week, of things I want to ponder here, but the week has kept me hopping. Maybe tomorrow I can put some of my thoughts into words.

For now, I’m happy to say that though busy, this week has been productive. On Wednesday, I finally mailed off a whole stack of paperwork that I’d been working on for forever – okay, not forever, but it felt like it. What a relief to finally mail it all off!

In the midst of trying to keep my head on straight, I discovered a new chocolate delight! Okay, not new to many, and I will be accused by some friends for going over to the “dark” side to even suggest such a thing – me being the tea connoisseur that I am. :) Blame it on a fellow author who suggested this delicacy and on my own self-indulgence. (I loved her suggestion.) My discovery?

Espresso beans covered in dark chocolate from Starbucks!

I am convinced that heaven will have better flavors, but this taste has to be one of God’s little gifts to His children here on earth. :) Yum! Too bad they are so expensive or I’d buy a huge bag!

On another note, tonight Randy and I went to Bahama Breeze to celebrate our 29th wedding anniversary (which is Sunday). Good food! Reminded me of Hawaii, a trip we took far too long ago. We stopped off at the Bible bookstore after that – bought the new Archeological Study Bible – it looks awesome! And visited Grand Traverse Pie Company. Guess what I discovered there? Dark chocolate covered cherries! Oh yeah!

I didn’t buy any (I do have some self restraint!) But Randy now has a little hint what to buy me next time he needs an idea for a gift. :) One can never go wrong with dark chocolate.

In the midst of my busy week, I found out my brother and sis-in-law are moving eight hours away from us! That’s going to be very hard to get used to, but we all recognize God’s hand in their move. So it will be a good thing. Why is change so difficult, yet at the same time exciting?

The only down side about this week is that I’ve been exhausted so much of the time. I think it could have something to do with Michigan’s dreary weather. We’ve had rain for DAYS! But it looks like the clouds were headed out of town tonight and a beautiful sunset promises a better tomorrow.

Because of course, tomorrow is another day. :)

In 1987 I wrote “What is a Mother?” – a poem dedicated to my mom, in honor of what it means to be a Christian mother. I was a young mom myself at the time and pregnant with my third child. The writing isn’t exactly true to any set standard of poetry. It simply reflected my heart. Today being Mother’s Day, I will share it with you here, as a tribute to my mom.

“What is a Mother?”

by Jill Eileen Smith

A mother is the first person a baby learns to love,
because she feeds him.

A mother is a toddler’s favorite nurse,
when she skins her knee.

A mother is a school’s best teacher
because she helps with homework and studying.

A mother is a wonderful example in self-denial
because she always eats the chicken wings.

A mother gives beautiful memories of pleasant smells
because she bakes terrific cookies after school.

A mother may be stern at times
but underneath she is soft-hearted and warm.

A mother knows just how to cheer a teenager with her favorite meal,
even when she is always on a diet!

A mother listens when a child’s heart is aching,
and she understands with loving tears of her own.

A mother cannot bind up every wound or broken hurt,
but she knows where to send you to the One who can.

A mother goes on loving even when
her children do not appreciate her love.

A mother always tries to be there whenever her child needs her,
if not in body, always in prayer.

A mother never ceases to bring her children
before the throne of her Loving Father.

A mother’s greatest wish is that her children
follow in His Way.

A mother strives each day to give her children
the example of godly living, by living it herself.

And if she is my mother, she succeeds.
Always giving of herself, even when she’s too tired to go on.
Not asking in return.
My mother knows what love is.
And I hope she knows how much that I love her.
Because I do.

Thank you, Mom.

Happy Mother’s Day!

I’ve seen the trailer for “The Davinci Code” movie, and I’ve read various comments about the story by Dan Brown. Recently a couple of friends echoed my sentiments when I discovered that Tom Hanks and Ron Howard were involved in a story that promotes such heresy. Heresy being defined as: “An opinion or a doctrine at variance with established religious beliefs.”

When I voiced my disapproval of the choice these men were making to represent this “story” to the viewing public, I was presented with a different way of looking at it – and that is – these men are not believers in Jesus Christ. Therefore, they cannot realize the harm such heresy can cause. All they see is an engaging story with a major twist. Never mind that it could undermine traditional Christian beliefs held by people throughout the world.

While this may be true, I realized why Christians could be disappointed in Tom Hanks and Ron Howard for their part in this movie. It is because many people respect these men for their dedication to their craft, and have trusted their performances to be at least sympathetic to traditionally held Christian beliefs. They aren’t viewed as radicals with an agenda to hurt Christianity. Some might even consider them as rather wholesome and trustworthy.

For instance, when Tom Hanks starred in “Saving Private Ryan,” we applauded a movie that gave us such a realistic view of World War II. In fact, much of Tom’s career has included playing parts that Christians could view with respect. (Two of my favorites are “You’ve Got Mail” and “The Terminal.” And I love “That Thing You Do,” which he directed.)

Ron Howard, like it or not, still carries the “good boy” image of Opey Taylor and Richie Cunningham. Even as a director, such movies as “A Beautiful Mind” or “How the Grinch Stole Christmas” were in keeping with his respected image.

And I suppose if Dan Brown had written The DaVinci Code as strictly fiction, there might not be such an uproar over his heretical tale. The fact that he chose to claim his words are truth, as though his novel was really a work of non-fiction, is where the problem lies. And the fact that such respected director/actors would embrace this tale and present it to the world, for whatever reason, lowers that wholesome image I once held of them.

Do I still think they are talented men? Absolutely! Do I expect them to know better, since they do not embrace the truth of Jesus Christ? Not at all. Neither do I expect Dan Brown to understand the gospel that he has so obviously rejected.

But it does trouble me that such men would show such little respect for traditional Christian beliefs or the people who hold them dear.

It troubles me, but it does not surprise me. Jesus said his followers would be hated by all men. And the father of lies loves to spin a new tale especially if it will undermine an eternal truth. I only wish these men and others like them had eyes to see that truth, instead of thinking the story is all there is.

There is only One story that really matters. And it is NOT The Davinci Code.

It’s official. I am now living in a home with all adults, no more kids. If you consider 18 to be officially an adult, that is. Personally, I lean toward 21, in which case I’ve got three more years to enjoy my youngest son’s youth. :)

But realistically, he will be done with his school subjects by next week and will graduate from high school in a month. But today…today my baby is 18 years old.

I think birthdays should be celebrated in a special way by at least three people – the person having the birthday for sure, the mom who gave them birth, and the dad who lived to tell about it. :) After all, moms and dads (especially moms) remember their actual “birth” day better than anyone. Seems like a cause for celebration.

But it’s also a time for nostalgia. Normally, I look through their baby picture book to those first moments when I held such a beautiful gift of God in my arms. Today I added something new. I looked back at the poetry I wrote when my boys were small, and I shared some of those poems with my son this afternoon. He is a poet and song writer himself, sharing my writer’s heart.

All in all, it’s been a rather poignant day. It’s a weird feeling to look back on things you used to feel – to remember those thoughts and hopes and dreams of younger years. To be reminded of the many prayers I’ve penned for my children. To see some of them already fulfilled, and some replaced by newer dreams.

I must say, I do have a mother’s sense of pride in my kids, and today in particular for this son. Eighteen years ago I didn’t really expect this day to come so fast, but I knew it would – even prayed that God would slow the sands of time so I could enjoy the time a little longer. And yet the time still flew so swiftly.

And now my baby isn’t a baby any more…but I sure am glad of the man he is becoming.

Happy Birthday, Ryan!