February 2006

When Jesus was about to die, He went to the Garden of Gethsemane to pray. As He prayed, He asked His Father to let the cup He was about to drink pass from Him. And He said, “Abba, Father, all things are possible for You. Take this cup away from Me; nevertheless, not what I will, but what You will.” emphasis mine

We often struggle with knowing God’s will for our lives. If we are believers, we want to obey the Lord, to please Him, but it isn’t always easy to determine what His will is. The Scriptures are clear on certain things that we can know are His will, such as praying, loving our neighbor, loving the Lord our God with all of our heart, soul, mind, and strength, to not get drunk with wine but be filled with the Spirit, to let God’s Word dwell in us richly, and any number of other things that God commands us to do. But when it comes to knowing things like where should I live, what school should I attend, who should I marry, what career should I pursue, these things can fall into areas where we want to know God’s will, but don’t always know how to find it.

For us there is also the problem of sin. In our fallen, human nature, we grapple with wanting to do things that are not always pleasing to God. Often we come to a position where it is either God’s way or my way, and we must surrender our will to His.

But in the garden, before Jesus faced the agony of the cross, He was not struggling with a sin nature. He was the perfect Son of God who knew exactly what God wanted Him to do. It wasn’t a matter of determining what God’s will was. He’d known that since before time began and had agreed to the plan from the beginning.

It also wasn’t a case of Jesus’ will being different from the Father’s. They were in perfect agreement. In order for man to ever be redeemed, someone had to satisfy God’s wrath against sin. Either man would pay with his soul and suffer apart from God for all eternity, or a substitute would take his place, so that he might have life eternally with God.

The struggle for Christ came when He was faced with the fact that in that moment when men would hang Him on a cross, His Father would pour the whole of His wrath for sin on Him. There would be an agonizing period of separation from His Father that He had never experienced, a time when He would feel the intense hatred of God against the sin of the world.

It was that realization that caused Jesus to sweat drops of blood as he prayed “not my will but Your’s be done”.

But the interesting thing is that Jesus’ own will was not sinful. It was not contrary to His Father’s ultimate plan. But He was acutely aware of what was about to take place. And even in His perfection, He was human. And in His humanity, He submitted His will, every bit of human desire, however righteous it may have been, to that of His Father’s.

Jesus said, “I always do what pleases Him.” He always fulfilled His Father’s will.

But if Jesus in His sinlessness found it necessary to submit His will to His Father’s, how much more must we, in our sinful, fallen state, submit to our heavenly Father’s perfect plan for our lives?

We hear a lot these days about finding our life’s purpose. Above all else, our purpose is to obey His will, not our own.

Not my will, but Your’s be done.

The day after my birthday my throat began to hurt. So I struggled through the day, popping herbs and other remedies, hoping to keep a full-blown cold at bay. That evening, my youngest son started feeling sick as well and ended up missing a day of work and school. I think we both have a weird virus or something, but thankfully, it’s pretty mild and we are both on the mend. :)

Yesterday, though, while my son Ryan and I were both sick, we watched a couple of movies together. He generously offered to watch a chick flick with me, and I watched his currently favorite movie in return.

I’m not usually one to watch any TV during the day, so at first I hesitated because I was hoping to get some more writing done. But it was already 2 p.m., and I had a piano student coming at 4 p.m. If I wanted to enjoy this rare opportunity of sharing a movie with my son, I would have to sacrifice this extended writing time. (I’d written a few things already that morning, but I wanted more.)

Since I’m not on any deadline, it wasn’t a big sacrifice. But in truth, I hope I would have chosen this time with him, deadline or not. Why? Because he asked, and because time with my kids is growing shorter by the day. They are nearly all adults (two are, one to go) and could move out on their own at any time.

I’ve always been one to stop and listen when they want to talk, or at least have tried to be that way. But sometimes, I’ve allowed other things to cause me to put them off. Like yesterday. I’m so glad I didn’t, but rather listened to those inner promptings that said, enjoy the moments while you have them.

We really don’t know how much time we will have with the people in our lives or how much time they will have with us. God has determined our days and the hairs on our heads are numbered. But we can’t count the hairs, and the future days are only something that He can see.

I hope that I will always be a wife and mom who stops to listen when one of my men wants to talk to me. I’m not perfect, and I do fail at it sometimes. But if they ask, it means they need me to be there for them. And that is more important than any writing I will ever do.

Today is my birthday. And no, I’m not giving away my age. :) Birthdays are funny things though, and I tend to do a lot of thinking on this date each year. Birthdays seem to spark all sorts of memories and expectations and new hopes for the future. Kind of like New Year’s Eve only personalized just for you.

Since I’m a Valentine baby, I’ve never had to worry about being remembered by the “significant” people in my life. When I was young, my dad would buy my mom flowers and I would get some too. I felt special to be his little Valentine. To this day – today in fact – my dad has made a point to take me out to lunch on or near my birthday. He’s made it a tradition with all of his kids, as distance has allowed.

My husband and sons always make this day special for me as well, continuing a tradition that began with my dad. This morning I came downstairs to find a golden gift bag with Godiva chocolates and a lovely Valentine card waiting for me. I’d asked for Godiva chocolates for Christmas, but my sweet hubby was saving the idea for today. I used to tell myself that when I sold my first book, I would splurge with Godiva, but decided life is too short to wait for that. Besides, I’ll just buy more when that day comes. :)

As for expectations, that’s something I have to guard against. I used to look forward to finding lots of birthday wishes come through my email inboxes. And I’d hope for phone calls from certain friends and family members to brighten my day. (I will say that my brother called me this morning singing, “Hippo Birdie to Ye” to the tune of Happy Birthday to You.) Yes, it’s true, I have a goofy family. :)

But I realized as I did my prayer walking last night that a birthday may be special, but it is also just another day. It is a day to be grateful that God granted me life and love and family and friends. A day to be careful to keep my priorities straight – not on myself but on the Lord. To rejoice even when I didn’t get to sleep late or had a bad hair day or had to still do all the normal everyday things. This is another day that the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it.

And one other great thing about birthdays is that I get to eat dessert without guilt! (The calories don’t count on our birthdays.) :) I ordered a canoli cake for mine to share with my guys tonight. Along with that Godiva chocolate…

Oh yes, and to all who read my absent-minded musings -

Happy Valentine’s Day

Prayer is a fascinating thing. Lots of people participate in various kinds of praying. Some pray at specific times facing a certain direction. Others bow down to idols made of wood or stone. For the Christian, prayer is communion with God through Jesus Christ His Son. It’s the way we talk to Him. The Scriptures are His way of communicating to us.

As with any relationship, the more we communicate, the better we know the other person. The same is true with God. The God of the Bible can be known if we but spend time reading and studying His Word and then praying about everything and for everyone.

God wants us to talk to Him. He designed prayer to be the means we could make our requests known and our praise evident. With thankful and contrite hearts, we can come to Him and tell Him everything.

I wonder how many of us really do that? I know many people in churches who seem to think that they have to handle life on their own, that prayer comes as an after thought – only when everything else has failed. But in Philippians, Paul tells us “…in everything by prayer and supplication, let your requests be made known to God.” As a teenager, I memorized this verse in the Living Bible. “Don’t worry about anything, instead pray about everything. Tell God your needs and don’t forget to thank Him for His answers, and you will experience God’s peace, which is far greater than the human mind can understand.” God wants us to talk to Him.

There is another aspect of prayer, however, that I think often escapes us as Christians, and that is its power. Not that prayer has power in itself. There are prayers that are fruitless – those that are prayed with wrong motives, with sin in our hearts, or with vain repetitions – like those who utter prayers to false gods.

A bumper sticker of a few years back said, “Prayer is power. Pray for peace.” I’m sorry to say, they’ve got it wrong. Prayer isn’t power. Prayer is powerful only when it is directed in humility and expectation to a powerful God, by God’s people. Prayer doesn’t change things either. God changes things. Prayer to the true God who is in heaven changes me.

The saddest thing though that I see when it relates to my fellow believers and prayer is when I meet someone who is facing a tough situation and they say, “All I can do is pray” as though that’s a bad thing. Better to say, “I can pray and that is awesome because God can do anything.”

Our prayers are important. “The effectual, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.” Coming to God with our heartfelt prayers is what He desires for us to do. But when we come, let us come realizing that it isn’t the prayer that makes the difference. It is our great God moving in answer to those prayers that makes the difference and causes the needed changes in our lives.

Let us never think that because our only option left to us is to pray that we have something to be ashamed of. Rather, let us come boldly before the throne of grace first and foremost, before we even attempt to lift our finger to fix things ourselves. Then should God make a way for us – go and do whatever He leads us to do, whatever is in our power to do to make the difficult things right.

All you can do is pray – because the situation is impossible? Good. Then pray hard, and remember that the God who is listening is all-powerful and mighty to do those things we ask of Him.

Have you ever had such a strong desire that you ached to see it fulfilled? I can think of many such desires I’ve had in my life. The first was a longing to find the right man and get married. After God granted me a wonderful husband, my desire grew to include children. The first desire God answered quickly. The second took longer to see fulfilled.

We said we would wait five years to start a family after we tied the knot. But at three years we changed our minds and thought the time was right. Nearly five years to the day, Jeff was born.

During that time of waiting, I went through a lot of desperate longing. I remember looking at my best friend who was also trying to get pregnant and thinking, what if it happens for her first? And the Lord seemed to tap me on the shoulder and whisper, “If I want her to have ten children, what is that to you? You follow me.”

Those years weren’t easy. And today I find myself with similar desperate longings, only this time I have waited far longer. I’m speaking of seeing my books in print, of course, as I’ve mentioned here in previous posts. My longing for publication has been fervent, ardent, impassioned. And still I wait.

Then today I came across a verse that I have known well – a verse that has been put to song, and I have sung with a heart of worship.

“As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God.” Psalm 42:1 NIV

Webster says to “pant” is to “desire ardently”. Ardent suggests an eager, fervent, impassioned longing. The exact kind of desire I’ve had for a husband, children, and publication.

Yet the Bible tells me that King David had this desire, this fervent, hungry, craving for God. Do I have that same kind of longing for the Lord as I do for so many earthly things?

Jesus said, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength.” An aching, intense, eager yearning encompassing our emotions, intelligence, and will.

Perhaps we think we cannot control what we long for. But I maintain that such things involve a choice. To have a heart for God involves a choice as well. To desire a husband and children is a good thing. To long for God to fulfill His purposes in our lives is also good. But to love God above all – like a deer pants after streams of water – this is best of all.

As a teenager, I took an evangelism course at my church. We did the Evangelism Explosion curriculum by Dr. James Kennedy, and I learned how to ask two key questions of unbelievers:

1. If you were to die tonight, do you know for sure you would go to heaven?
2. If you were to die tonight, and stand before God, and He were to say to you, why should I let you into My heaven, what would you say?

From there I learned Scripture verses to explain the gospel, equipping me to “give an answer for the hope that is in me” to anyone who might ask. But while I wait for those opportunities, how do I live in this difficult world?

Philippians 2:14-15 tells me: “Do all things without complaining and disputing, that you may become blameless and harmless, children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world,”

How do people usually act, or rather react, when things go wrong, when they don’t get their way? Most of us grumble and complain, right? If someone irritates us or we get shafted at work or mistreated somehow, our first thought is to crab about it, isn’t it? (I’ll admit that this is my inclination.) And if we disagree with someone or think something to be unfair, we argue or dispute the matter. It’s normal human behavior – in fact, I dare say it’s pretty hard not to react in such a manner.

So when the Apostle Paul told the Philippians not to act that way, he was asking them to do something that goes against human nature. Something that clearly takes a work of the Holy Spirit in our lives.

But the more we dwell on God’s Word and let it permeate our being, the more willing we will be to surrender the desire to complain and gripe about every little thing that distresses us. It takes a daily surrender and trust in God’s goodness, which is greater than our circumstances.

What does Scripture tell us will be the result of such behavior on our part? “That you may become blameless and harmless, without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation among whom you shine as lights in the world” (emphasis mine).

We witness by our life when we show the world an attitude of gratefulness and thanksgiving to God instead of frustration and a critical spirit. Have you ever known a Christian with a critical spirit? They don’t help their testimony, do they? Why? Because they are showing themselves to have no more power over the human condition than the rest of the world. Only Christ has the power to give us a right heart attitude. And as we allow His Word to “dwell in us richly”, we will cultivate a spirit of gentleness rather than sarcasm, a spirit of kindness rather than retaliation.

When the world looks at us, they will see Christ’s light shining through us. And as we continue to live this way, they might stop and wonder what makes us so different. Then we can use the Scriptures to give them an answer for the hope that is in us.

St. Francis of Assisi once said: “Preach the gospel at all times and when necessary use words.” Preaching the gospel starts with living a life that will cause others to sit up and wonder why we are different, why we don’t lose our tempers and curse the world when things go wrong. Our words do make a difference because they reveal our inner nature. Will they be complaining and disputing words or words of grace and truth?

I never thought of my reactions to life as a way to show others my faith. It seems like an unlikely way to witness, but in reality it shows the power of God over our human weakness. In ourselves we will grumble and complain and argue and dispute most of the time. Christ’s power is the only way to live above these human weaknesses.