September 2005

Where do disappointments come from? Well, I suppose they could float around in the sky and just rain on us now and then, making us moody and depressed. But more likely they come from expecting something that we don’t receive. Wanting something we can’t have. Wishing we were something we’re not.

I could fall into a sulky mood if I tried for more than half a second, because, truth be told, I’ve been flirting with those very feelings myself today.

I think the biggest disappointments in my life come from relationships with people. Have you ever noticed how people tend to let you down? You may meet someone and really like them, want to develop a friendship with them, offer to do things for them, but they don’t reciprocate to the degree you’d like. They hold you at arm’s length. Worse than that, sometimes they’re downright cold.

Then there are those people who have so many friends that you think it’s just great that they even acknowledge you. You’d like the relationship to be closer than it is, and yeah, it’s disappointing that you don’t quite reach the level of friendship you were hoping for. Bottom line is, they relate to other people better than they do to you, so what they can give you, at least at this point in their lives, is all you’re going to get.

I’ve had relationships like this, and I suppose it’s possible, even likely, that I’ve treated people the same way. It’s so easy to get self-absorbed, seeing only what I’m missing rather than what I could be giving. Have you ever done that?

What it boils down to is that people are going to disappoint us. And I’m going to disappoint them. It all depends on how high I’m going to place my expectations on the friendship. Will I accept what I’m given and be grateful to be liked as well as I am? Will I thank the Lord for a few good friends that I can share my heart with and who pray for me? Will I stand in awe at the friends who really seem to like me and stick with me even through periods of self-centeredness? Or will I set my expectations so high that no one can reach them?

Truth is, I feel very blessed when I discover that someone likes me. But once in awhile, I want more out of the relationship than the person is able or willing to give – my expectations rise a little higher than they should – and I suffer a bout of disappointment.

Isn’t it nice to know that the Lord forgives those moments of self-centeredness? But even more important, it is wonderful to realize that while people will always disappoint me and I will always disappoint someone in return, Jesus will never let me down. There is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

And I can always expect the best from Him.

What an exhausting but enjoyable weekend! We arrived in Nashville last Wednesday night at about 8:30 p.m. their time. (We’re an hour ahead, so my body thought it was 9:30 p.m.) Google was wrong in that it only took us ten to ten and a half hours instead of the eleven hours we expected. That was nice considering our last trip was longer than we thought it would be!

Thursday was nearly as busy as a full conference day in that I had two meetings scheduled and then managed to snag time with my good friend, Jill Stengl, while we ate sandwiches in my room and gabbed. Then it was off to the Meet & Greet where I was able to sign up for one agent and one editor appointment, and then spent time with friends that I don’t see very often – crit partners Tammy Alexander, Meredith Efken, and Maureen Lang (her pen name), and friend Deb Raney. And of course, there were so many other people I loved seeing again, too many to name.

Karen Ball was our keynote speaker – that lady should do stand-up comedy. She is hilarious and warm and gracious and can still bring home God’s truth straight to a heart. She talked about “goldfish moments” (times when our memories are no better than the five second memory of a goldfish) and put new meaning to the phrases, “It’s all good” and “bless your heart”. I’m claiming the “it’s all good” for myself. :)

Friday and Saturday were filled with appointments and classes and wonderful times of chatting with online friends. Kim Sawyer and Tammy Alexander gave testimonies I will long remember. These two ladies are up and coming authors that I know will be well loved in Christian fiction. Look for both of them to come out with new books in the next year or so – both write historical fiction! Yes!

By Sunday I was conferenced out and ready to go home but only because I was exhausted. I never sleep in the car but I think my eyes were closed more than open on the ten hour drive home. We were even stopped for half an hour because of a motorcycle accident and still made great time. I slept for ten hours the next day and only today am starting to feel awake again.

I was so happy to have Randy and Ryan with me. They had a great time seeing Nashville and I was almost jealous that I didn’t get to see some of the sites with them. But they took pictures and even bought me a magnet and a t-shirt, so I felt included even though I wasn’t with them.

All in all, I had a great time. God showed me some things about writing that has changed my perspective about publishing. Perhaps I’ll share more on that tomorrow. For now, it’s just good to be home. :)

We had a special speaker in church today, a man of Indian descent who has a real burden for his people. His message was thought-provoking, especially as he spoke about Abraham. He made a comment that I’m going to paraphrase here.

If you look in Hebrews 11, you will read a wonderful chapter about the men and women of faith. Later on in the chapter, God points out Abraham and how when he was tested, did not fail to offer up his son Isaac as a sacrifice to the Lord.

If you read the whole account in Genesis, Abraham was asked of God to give up his only son, the son of promise, that he had waited years to have. God wanted to test Abraham’s obedience, to see how much he loved Him. Abraham got up the next morning and took some servants and his son and did as God asked.

When they reached the mountain, Abraham told his servants to wait while he and Isaac went further up the mountain to offer the sacrifice. As they went, Isaac carried the wood he would soon be bound to upon the altar, though he didn’t know that yet.

If you know the story, you know that Isaac eventually asked his father about the fact that while they had the wood and the fire, the lamb was conspicuously missing. Abraham told him that God himself would provide a lamb.

Many years later, Jesus climbed a hill outside of Jerusalem with His Father looking on, carrying the wood that he would soon be bound upon. Jesus didn’t have to ask His Father where the lamb was. He knew. God himself had provided a lamb in His son’s own flesh and blood.

The difference was that Jesus carried the wood knowing exactly what He was doing and what would befall him when he reached the crest of the hill. He offered himself as the sacrifice for our sins.

God gave Isaac back to Abraham, stopping him from slaying his only son. But when it came time to slay His own son, God spared not His Son but gave Him up freely for us all.

“Greater love has no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do as I’ve commanded you.”

Something to think about…

I love it when my Bible reading coincides with what I’m writing. I’ve been working on a historical suspense, Book One of the Hampton Chronicles, which I’m tentatively calling, September Mourning.

When I pick a title, I like it to reflect the theme of the book, and today I was wondering if that title was too negative, if people would find it intriguing enough. And maybe it still needs changing. But since it is a story of revenge and twisted games during the Prohibition era when organized crime ruled the day, the title might actually be a good fit. But if not the title, then at least the theme seemed confirmed to me as I was reading in Hosea this morning. It says:

“For the LORD brings a charge against the inhabitants of the land:
There is no truth or mercy
Or knowledge of God in the land.
By swearing and lying,
Killing and stealing and committing adultery,
They break all restraint,
With bloodshed upon bloodshed.
Therefore the land will mourn;” Hosea 4:1b-3a NKJV

During the Prohibition years, there was plenty of bloodshed, especially in towns like Detroit and Chicago where the gangs ruled the bootlegging industry. And though the above verses are speaking of Israel during Hosea’s lifetime, I think they can apply to the 1920s in America as well. Actually, they are a pretty good commentary on the world we live in today.

In a later verse, the Lord, speaking through Hosea said, “My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge.” (vs. 6a) and then goes on to say this is because they have forgotten the law of their God.

In my story, a district attorney wants to uphold the law, but he is up against all of the things listed in those verses in Hosea. Therefore the land will mourn. And therefore the people in my story will mourn – as all good people do when evil men prevail.

Of course, we cannot end there. But if I give that away, no one will ever want to read the book! :)

This past week has grieved my heart as I’ve watched the news stories of Hurricane Katrina and so many stranded and hurting people. The devastation is phenomenal, with ramifications that will last for years to come. It will take months, perhaps years before New Orleans and surrounding cities rise to what they used to be.

Yesterday, as I was doing some weather research for my wip (work in progress), I came across another hurricane disaster that rocked this nation. In our lifetime, we think Hurricane Katrina is the worst thing to ever hit this country. History does not agree.

At the turn of the 20th Century, in 1900, another hurricane destroyed much of the Gulf Coast in Galveston, Texas. Nearly 8,000 people died. Loss of life and property were very much like they are today in New Orleans. Until Hurricane Katrina hit, this Galveston hurricane was considered the worst natural disaster in United States history.

In 1900 there were no weather satellites, no Doppler radar. But even with our technologically advanced warning systems and various dykes or seawalls, we cannot control the wind or rain. At best we can warn people to move to higher ground and hope they can flee in time.

It’s sobering to think how little control man has over the elements, over our world. Even our prayers can’t control God or make Him do for us as we ask.

But we can come to Him with contrite hearts and invite Him to become a part of our nation once again. We’ve done a lot to try to kick Him out of every part of our public offices and educational systems, and our very lives. Then when something like this happens, we tend to ask where He is and why He let it happen.

Was this a sign of God’s judgment on the earth?

One day Jesus was told about some people who were killed by the governor and others who were killed in a tower accident. Some wanted to point fingers at those people and exclaim at what sinners they must have been for God to have allowed such a thing to happen to them. This was His response:

“There were present at that season some who told Him about the Galileans whose blood Pilate had mingled with their sacrifices. And Jesus answered and said to them, “Do you suppose that these Galileans were worse sinners than all other Galileans, because they suffered such things? I tell you, no; but unless you repent you will all likewise perish. Or those eighteen on whom the tower in Siloam fell and killed them, do you think that they were worse sinners than all other men who dwelt in Jerusalem? I tell you, no; but unless you repent you will all likewise perish.” Luke 13:4-5 NKJV (Perish eternally, not just physically.)

So was this God’s hand of judgment on the earth? Not yet.

When natural disasters strike, as they will in abundance during what Revelation calls the tribulation, that will be God’s hand of judgment. Right now is His time to show mercy and grace – even in the midst of such horrific things. Judgment will one day come, but until then, the best we can do is to point people to higher ground, to seek His face.

“For He is not willing that anyone should perish but that all should come to repentance.”